Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates March 1, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: Family Values Bill O’Reilly

Bill “Family Values” O’Reilly has been denied custody of his children by a New York court.  The court ruled that O’Reilly was not fit to have custody of his kids after a domestic violence incident. The official ruling stated: “Viewing the totality of the circumstances, there is a sound and substantial basis for the Supreme Court’s determination that it is in the best interests of the children for the mother to be awarded primary residential custody. Particularly relevant in this case are the clearly stated preferences of the children, especially considering their age and maturity, and the quality of the home environment provided by the mother.”

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Boner Candidate #2: Naked Breasts Will Destroy Children and Families.

New Hampshire state representatives are suggesting that society may collapse if lawmakers don’t make it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public.  State Reps. Brian Gallagher and Peter Spanos, both Republicans, are co-sponsors of a bill that would slap women with a misdemeanor charges for showing their breasts and nipples with “reckless disregard” for those around them. At a public hearing on Monday, they warned that allowing women to go topless at beaches would quickly escalate, and they would soon be bare-chested at public libraries and Little League baseball games, The Associated Press reports.

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Boner Candidate #3: Why Should These Women Get Special Help.

One Utah lawmaker is seeking to cut victim advocates out of court proceedings — a move police and prosecutors say would undermine prosecution of rape cases. HB399, from Rep. LaVar Christensen, stipulates the advocates “are not part of a criminal prosecution and may not interfere with or undermine” defendants’ rights. Sexual­violence groups, lawmakers and police chiefs gathered Monday at the Capitol in part to criticize the measure, saying it would stymie efforts to help people recover from violent attacks and navigate the courts. “There’s a lot of pieces to this that are really damaging,” said Alana Kindness, executive director of the Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault (UCASA). Christensen, a Republican from Draper and an attorney, did not return phone messages and an email seeking comment Monday.

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