Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates March 15, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: GOOD CLEAN SPORTSMANSHIP

Students and administrators at a Boston-area Catholic school had to apologize after dozens of its fans chanted “You killed Jesus” during a basketball game against a school with a large number of Jewish students on Friday, the Washington Post reports. Some Jewish attendees at the division title game between Catholic Memorial School and Newtown North High School were alarmed by the chant. “I can’t believe it,” says one spectator, whose parents survived Nazi concentration camps. “I just can’t believe it.” Following the game, which Catholic Memorial won 77-73, Catholic Memorial fans apologized to the principal of Newton North. In a statement released Saturday, the president of Catholic Memorial called the chant “unacceptable” and said the school was “deeply disturbed” by it. “

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Boner Candidate #2: IT’S PRONOUNCED “AH-NAL. DR. AH-NAL.”

A Swedish doctor has been shown the back door following his use of wildly inappropriate massages to treat common medical conditions, such as headaches and back pain. Sweden’s Medical Board of Responsibility last week revoked the medical license of the quack, dubbed “Doctor Anal” by the Danish press, after years of warning him about his unconventional treatments. The unnamed doc claimed to have attained “very good results” with the massages, performing up to 1,000 rubs a session, according to The Local. He was first warned for performing the unorthodox method back in 2003, when he performed the technique on an elderly woman suffering headaches and back pain. She described the procedure as “an incredibly offensive encroachment.” And Sweden’s medical board agreed, calling it “dubious for a number of reasons” including that the muscles that actually needed to be relaxed couldn’t be reached.

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Boner Candidate #3: I AM COUNT VON BISMARK. WHY MUST I COME TO YOUR COURT?

The firstborn son of Germany’s Prince Ferdinand was a no-show Monday at Manhattan Family Court, leaving his countess ex-wife cooling her heels — and no closer to collecting on the $2.5 million she says he owes in child support. “So far, he’s paid zero, zero, zero,” Countess Nathalie von Bismarck, who lives in Manhattan with the couple’s two young children, said outside the courtroom. Rather than come to court for a mandatory first “enforcement” hearing, Count Carl-Eduard Graf von Bismarck sent a paralegal instead, along with a last-minute letter asking to participate by Skype or phone. Support magistrate Lewis A. Borofsky denied the application, and set an adjourn date for March 28, when the lawyers for both sides will try to hash out whether Carl-Eduard has a legitimate reason for not appearing. Carl-Eduard was ordered in 2011 to pay the countess $50,000 a month in support for their two children, Alexei, 10, and Grace, 6.

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