Boners

Boner Candidates May 17, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: PLEASE, EVERYONE…GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO BUY STUFF AT TARGET

Video footage of an unidentified woman storming through Target store protesting the retail giant’s transgender restroom pledge has gone viral after being posted to YouTube this weekend. In the clip, which can be viewed above, the woman tells customers and staff at a Target franchise in an undisclosed location that she is “disgusted” by the company’s vow to allow transgender patrons to use the restroom that best corresponds with their gender identity. “Target would have you believe with their Mother’s Day displays that they love mothers and children. This is a deception,”  proclaims the woman — who is holding a Bible and has a huddle of what appears to be family members, including children, in tow. “This is not love and they’ve proven it by opening their bathrooms to perverted men!” Calling herself a mother of 12, the woman warns fellow moms to “get your children out of this store” because it is a “dangerous place.”

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Boner Candidate #2: A KNUCKLE HEAD SITUATION

According to police, a man attending a high school graduation in Kansas accidentally fired a pistol he had concealed in his sock on Sunday, shooting himself and a female bystander. Neither injury is believed to be life-threatening, The Washington Post reports. “It was uncomfortable for him,” Augusta Police Chief Tyler Brewer toldThe Wichita Eagle. “He went to adjust his sock, and the weapon went off, striking him in the foot.” Describing the shooting as “a knuckleheaded situation,” Brewer said the man had a concealed carry permit but still broke the law by bringing the gun to the school. From the Associated Press: The bullet went through the man’s foot and traveled about another 50 feet before striking a woman in her calf. The woman has been released from a Wichita hospital, while the man has been admitted with an injury that’s not life-threatening.

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Boner Candidate #3: WE HELPED THAT LITTLE THING TO DEATH

At Yellowstone National Park, officials are used to issuing warnings to the public each time a visitor is injured by a bison. The animals hurt more tourists than any other animal at the park. But this time, it was a newborn bison calf that suffered. On Monday, officials said that the calf had been euthanized a week after visitors picked the animal up and put it in the trunk of an S.U.V. The calf was killed because it was later rejected by its herd and appeared to have been habituated to humans, Morgan Warthin of the National Park Service wrote in a statement. “The bison calf was later euthanized because it was abandoned and causing a dangerous situation by continually approaching people and cars along the roadway,” Ms. Warthin wrote. On Sunday, Karen Richardson, a resident of Victor, Idaho, told NBC Montana that two tourists had taken the calf to a ranger station because they thought the animal was cold.

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