Boners

Boner Candidate Preview May 18, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: NEXT THING YOU KNOW, SHE’LL TRY TO INVADE POLAND

A Wyoming Area School District teacher issued a written apology Monday for comments about accommodations to help a special-needs student. In emails from October 2014, Tenth Street Elementary School teacher Amy Kosco compared making the accommodations to appeasing Adolf Hitler and suggested it “would be nice if we spent this much extra time” on students who are “going to amount to something.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE ARE HIGH ON LIFE

Three Canadians face criminal charges for stomping on the ecologically sensitive grounds of Yellowstone National Park’s iconic Grand Prismatic Spring. Footage taken by eyewitnesses, including the one above provided anonymously to Buckrail, showed four people tromping on the delicate grounds of the spring. The Casper Star-Tribune identified the three charged as Charles Ryker Gamble, Alexey Andriyovych Lyakh and Justis Cooper Price-Brown, members of the group High on Life SundayFundayz.

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Boner Candidate #3: NICE WATCH MR. GANDOLFINI

ROME — A paramedic who rushed James Gandolfini to hospital after the actor suffered a massive heart attack has been accused of being nearly as ruthless as Tony Soprano. Claudio Bevilacqua, 43, went on trial on Monday for allegedly snatching “The Sopranos” star’s $3000 Rolex Submariner watch as he laid dying in June 2013. It is still unclear whether the watch vanished from Gandolfini’s room in the Boscolo Exedra Hotel in Rome, Italy, or whether the actor was wearing it when he collapsed.

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Boner Candidate #4: DO I REALLY HAVE TO SHOW MY BOOBS TO USE THE BATHROOM?

Aimee Toms says her story shows just how “amazingly ridiculous” the ongoing controversy over transgender bathroom use has become. The 22-year-old retail worker in Connecticut says she was harassed in a women’s bathroom at Walmart on Friday by somebody who called her “disgusting” and told her she “didn’t belong there,” the Connecticut Post reports. Toms, who has a pixie cut and was wearing a baseball cap that day, says she soon realized that she was being harassed because the woman had seen her from behind and mistakenly believed she was transgender.

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Boner Candidate #5: THE CHARITY WAS ME

IOWA CITY, Iowa —The president of a Christian charity in Iowa has admitted that he diverted nearly a half-million dollars in donations for personal use, including to pay for a sex addiction. Jon Petersen of Cedar Rapids pleaded guilty Monday to one count of filing a false tax return, under a plea agreement with prosecutors. He’s the president of World Ambassadors, Ltd., a nonprofit founded in 1993 to provide a Christian outreach to international students on college campuses.

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Boner Candidate #6: CLOSE YOUR PORN TABS!

Now, to be fair “IVONE SEXY AMATEUR” and “LAYLA RIVERA TIGHT BOOTY” could be anything. Except that some quick googling reveals that, no, both of those are in fact pornographic videos. Which is fine! Curiosity is natural. Congratulations to the hopeful Congressman for sticking to his guns. But, you may be asking yourself, was this embarrassing bit of technological transparency worth his special alone time reward? Judging from the users’ responses…

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