Boners

Boner Candidates May 26, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: OH, THAT’S RIGHT, I FORGOT TO MENTION: I SHOT A GUY

On Tuesday, the police chief of Oregon’s largest city was placed on paid leave after allegedly misleading an investigator about a hunting accident last month. According to The Oregonian, Portland Police Chief Larry O’Dea failed to tell a responding officer he accidentally fired the shot that hit a friend in the back, instead suggesting the victim shot himself. According to Sheriff Ward, investigators only learned O’Dea was involved when they interviewed the victim almost a month later. “The victim made it pretty clear he didn’t shoot himself,’’ said Ward. “The victim knew who shot him.’’ While the shooting occurred in April, O’Dea did not inform the public about the incident until reporters asked him about it last week. Portland Mayor Charlie Hales—who was out of town attending a White House conference on gun violence prevention—announced O’Dea’s leave of absence in a prepared statement.

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Boner Candidate #2: READ YOUR OWN DAMN SHIRT LADY

A woman wearing a “Stop Domestic Violence” t-shirt was arrested on domestic violence charges after firing a gun during an argument with her husband inside the couple’s Maine home, police report. Emily Wilson, 38, was collared last week following a confrontation with her spouse Kyle over whether he was having an affair. During the argument, investigators allege, Wilson waved a handgun and fired a shot into the couple’s bed. Wilson, a high school teacher, was subsequently arrested when police responded to a 911 call placed by her husband. A criminal complaint filed against Wilson charges her with a pair of crimes: domestic violence reckless conduct with a dangerous weapon and domestic violence assault.

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Boner Candidate #3: YOUR BREAST CANCER IS NO EXCUSE

It was a regular Friday afternoon when Lin Riley was pulled over for a random breath test on Oxford Street, near Centennial Park in Sydney, Australia. Knowing she hadn’t consumed a drop of alcohol that day, the 68-year-old wound down her window and presented her licence to the police officer. “When the officer gave it back to me, he stopped and said, ‘What are you doing? What do you have on your seatbelt?’” Riley told news.com.au. What caught the officer’s eye was a one-inch bulldog clip attached to the seatbelt retractor above her right shoulder. The reason for the clip was to alleviate the pain the belt caused to her left-hand side, because of a recent breast cancer-related operation. Three years ago, Riley was informed she had cancer, and was required to have various treatments on her left breast, which resulted in a mastectomy.

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