Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates September 14, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: OK DIE FOR HIM

Ann Coulter, whose support of Donald Trump at one point appeared to falter with his shifting immigration stance, is standing by the Republican nominee no matter what. “I worship him like the North Koreans worship the ‘Dear Leaders’ — yes, I would die for him,” the conservative commentator joked to Politico’s “Off Message” podcast. “I didn’t get the gene that makes me care about what other people think,” she added about her bluntness when it comes to talking about immigration. “I’m much like Trump that way. I don’t really care. They’re just words.”

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Boner Candidate #2: HELP. I’M HAVING IMPURE THOUGHTS

One complaint puts 44 young women at Timpview High School on the defensive. “We were told that we were not allowed to wear our uniforms anymore,” said Tess Rozier, a senior cheerleader at Timpview. Last week, Rozier said, the cheer coach told all the girls someone had complained the uniforms worn on game day in class were distracting a boy, causing him to have impure thoughts.  “I kind of felt like it’s the school almost supporting a rape culture,” said JoAnna Johnson, a Timpview cheerleader. The Provo School District calls this all a big misunderstanding. They are looking into whether or not anyone really complained, but insist, the uniforms were always allowed.

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Boner Candidate #3: IF HILLARY WINS CONSERVATIVE BLOOD WILL BE SHED

Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin (R) said on Saturday that conservatives may have to turn to physical violence to protect their values. “I want us to be able to fight ideologically, mentally, spiritually, economically, so that we don’t have to do it physically,” Bevin said during his speech at the Values Voter Summit in Washington. “But that may, in fact, be the case.” Bevin went on to say that he believed the U.S. would survive a Hillary Clinton presidency, but it might require bloodshed. “The roots of the tree of liberty are watered by what? The blood. Of who? The tyrants to be sure, but who else? The patriots,” he said. “Whose blood will be shed? It may be that of those in this room. It might be that of our children and grandchildren. I have nine children. It breaks my heart to think that it might be their blood that is needed to redeem something, to reclaim something, that we through our apathy and our indifference have given away. Don’t let it happen.”

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