Boners

Boner Candidates September 21, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: HEY MUSLIMS…NO TREATS FOR YOU.

A Minnesota restaurant owner upset over what happened in St. Cloud posted a controversial sign Monday morning. The sign outside Treats Family Restaurant in Lonsdale, Minnesota, reads “Muslims Get Out.” A second line reads “In Support Of St. Cloud.” Owner Dan Ruedinger says the sign has led to some backlash, but he says business is up so much that he had to call in three extra workers Monday. “It’s time that people started standing up, not worrying about the PC crowd and do what is right,” Ruedinger said. “And I feel what we’re doing is right. We are not targeting the Muslims in general, just the extremists. And that’s all I can say. It’s my right and I’m going to stand up, and I wish more people would do it.”

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Boner Candidate #2: WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? I’M ALREADY ON THE LIST.

A 50-year-old man indulged his impulse to stimulate himself in possibly the worst location last month. Prosecutors say Anthony Hardison was in the lobby of the King County Sheriff’s Office in downtown Seattle last month registering as a sex offender when a sheriff’s office employee found him masturbating. The incident occurred Aug. 12, a week after Hardison was sentenced on two counts of indecent exposure with sexual motivation for showing his genitals to bus drivers. Hardison went to the office in the King County Administration Building on Fourth Avenue that morning to turn in some documents, according to Detective Wendy Billingsley’s report. There in the lobby, the detective said, an employee caught him “intentionally mak(ing) an open and obscene exposure of his penis.”

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Boner Candidate #3: CRIKEY! I’M IN MY ROOM.

An Australian teen was reported missing this week, and when police appealed to the public for information on her whereabouts on Facebook, she cracked the case for them by saying she was in her room. Queensland Police posted about the missing teen Sunday, asking citizens on the social network to contact them if they had any information about the girl. Not long after her photo and information were posted, she commented: “Guys I’m fine I’m not missing this is an overreaction to a fight I had with my sister, I’m legit just sitting in my bedroom.” The slightly embarrassed police replied to her comment saying: “I am glad that you’re safe, but we can’t take this down until you’ve been sighted by police and we’ve confirmed that you’re okay.” They asked her to call the station or come down to verify that she is fine and not missing so the search can officially end.

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