Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for September 29, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THE ZION CEILING

DABC is working with architects on a cover to keep patrons standing on balconies from seeing drinks being prepared. When the Eccles Theater opens in three weeks in downtown Salt Lake City, the state-of-the-art project will have one of the most unique dining features in the country — a “Zion Ceiling.” Like its well-known sibling, the “Zion Curtain,” the ceiling will prevent patrons standing on the theater’s sweeping balconies from seeing alcoholic drinks being mixed and poured inside the 40-seat restaurant in the Grand Lobby. Officials from the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control (DABC) have been working with theater architects for about a year to ensure that the Encore Bistro has a liquor dispensing area that met all state requirements.

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Boner Candidate #2: YEP. ANOTHER ALEPPO MOMENTT

Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson on Wednesday again stumbled over a straightforward question on foreign policy, this time struggling to name a single foreign leader he admires. During an MSNBC town hall, moderator Chris Matthews asked the former New Mexico governor: “Name one foreign leader that you respect and look up to. Anybody.”  Johnson appeared stumped by the question, but running mate Bill Weld jumped in with an answer of his own.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY STAY THE SAME

That 2005 report portrayed a grim reality for adolescents and teenagers, who regularly encountered derogatory comments and physical violence.  In a new version of that report, published by the advocacy organization on Wednesday, it appears not much has changed in the intervening years, despite the proliferation of anti-bullying policies and measures as well as public education campaigns to promote tolerance. The slow progress is particularly striking for students who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer.

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Boner Candidate #4: CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

A 24-year-old Tampa man wanted on numerous criminal charges was in jail Wednesday after making a Facebook post daring investigators to find him, the Tampa Police Department said. Cameron Cox was wanted on charges of dealing in stolen property, two counts of giving false information on a pawnbroker form, three counts of burglary, grand theft and petit theft. Apparently knowing the police were looking for him, so far unsuccessfully, Cox pulled out all the stops and made a post on his public Facebook page. He posted the cover photo for the Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio movie, “Catch Me If You Can” with the caption: “F— it. Might as well have some fun with this. LOL.”

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Boner Candidate #5: I PULLED YOU OVER SO WE COULD BE FRIENDS

A Florida Highway Patrol troopers was arrested Wednesday on allegations that he groped a women during a traffic stop. Trooper David Gonzalez, 35, is facing a battery charge and was booked into the Lake County jail. The 21-year-old victim said Gonzalez pulled her over earlier this month for speeding on U.S. Highway 441 near the Port Mall. She told investigators that Gonzalez told her to move her vehicle down a side street after complimenting her looks.

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Boner Candidate #6: ARE YOU TIRED OF HANGING AROUND WITH THE UGLIES?

Managing director of BeautifulPeople.com Greg Hodge says that they are just following the site’s users’ wishes, as they are apparently tired of going on nights out surrounded by people they don’t consider pretty enough. He said: “We listen to our members and they are fed up of going out to expensive bars, hoping to meet similarly beautiful people, only to spend the night wishing that the lighting was lower. “We are very excited about the opening of our flagship bar.

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