Boners

Boner Candidates for April 4 2016

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT KIND OF A TERRORIST ARE YOU?

Salah Abdeslam, the Paris attacks suspect who was arrested in Brussels last month, refused to blow himself up on the day of the attacks, his brother Mohamed told French news channel BFM TV. Abdeslam, who will be extradited to France, has renewed an offer to cooperate with French authorities investigating the Nov. 13 attacks that killed 130 people, his lawyer said this week. “There would have been more victims had I done it,” Salah Abdeslam told his brother. “Luckily, I couldn’t go through with it.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THE BIKINI GANG

They weren’t just there to work on their tans. Three bikini-clad women who allegedly beat up another woman by a river in South Carolina have been arrested, police announced Monday. Video appears to show the suspects pummeling the victim as she lay on the ground. “Seeing the aftermath was just insane: the way that she had blood all over her face, two black eyes, you can tell that she’s completely messed up in the face,” Ramy Williams, a friend of the victim, told WIS-TV. Arlinda Craft, 18, Anns Leigh Hill, 19, and Megan Williams, 20, were charged with second degree assault and battery by a mob, Columbia Police said.

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Boner Candidate #3: YES IT’S UNPLEASANT, BUT WE NEED THIS MONTH

Recently, Mississippi governor Phil Bryant, on a website called Sons of Confederate Veterans, proclaimed April to be “Confederate Heritage Month.” The reaction was…mixed. Clay Chandler, the governor’s director of communications, told the Times-Picayune in Mississippi: “Like his predecessors – both Republican and Democrat – who issued similar proclamations, Governor Bryant believes Mississippi’s history deserves study and reflection, no matter how unpleasant or complicated parts of it may be.” The “complicated” part, of course, being slavery, which both the governor’s proclamation and the planned “Confederate Memorial Day”on April 25th fail to mention. Chandler went on to say: “Like the proclamation says, gaining insight from our mistakes and successes will help us move forward.”

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