BONER CANDIDATE #1: IT WAS PERFECTLY GOOD ICE AND WE JUST HAD TO THROW IT AWAY.
Someone’s buns were so hot they had to strip naked, and jump into a gas station’s bagged ice freezer. According to police Jonathan Martin Beck “removed all of his clothing while at a gas pump, exposing his genitals to customers. Beck then removed several ice bags from the bagged ice freezer and jumped inside of the freezer causing numerous bags of ice to be disposed of.” He was charged with several things including criminal mischief.
BONER CANDIDATE #2: THE COPS FINGERED THE CULPRIT WITH….A FINGER.
Burlington officers went out to a home inversion Thursday when a resident came across an armed man who tried to force himself into the home. After a struggle a bullet went off and grazed the homeowners chest. When the fight came to the residence’s front door, the homeowner slammed the door on the intruder’s hand. Investigators later found a severed finger believed to be the suspects. After police used the finger for fingerprints they found their culprit.
BONER CANDIDATE #3: THE GAME WAS PAUSED BECAUSE PERUNA POOPED.
The SMU/Navy game Friday night was interrupted by a sudden loose bowel movement by a horse named Peruna. The SMU horse mascot was not ready, and neither were the janitorial staff who had to pick up the poop by hand. You’d think having a live horse as a mascot would have you be more ready to clean up it’s mess. Lesson is, a lack of preparation with cause you to use your hands to shovel horses**t off of a football field with your hands. The incident took at least 15 minutes to clean up.
