Boner Candidate #1: PRETTY SURE UNGLESBEE IS THE GUY RESPONSIBLE.
A man named Matthew Unglesbee mailed letters to representatives in Congress. The envelopes contained “a white granular substance.” 911 was called when the powder was detected though the substance was discovered to just be salt. Unglesbee was identified as the suspect due to the fact that he used his address on the letters. According to the article on GoodPartsMedia.com, “the letters contained notes reading ‘HA HA’ and ‘HA HA HA enjoy your gift.'” Regarding the incident, Unglesbee “claimed it was a joke but acknowledged recipients would likely view it as a threat.”
Boner Candidate #2: MY QUESTION IS, WERE THE UNDERPANTS CLEAN?
According to an article from The Brussels Times, an inebriated 36 year-old man in Germany is facing charges for “weapons offences, attempted extortion, arson, assault, cocaine possession, and vehicle theft.” The suspect attempted to rob a grocery store while wearing underwear as a mask to disguise himself. After failing to get any money there, he “decided to destroy evidence that might identify him, entered the communal entrance hall of an apartment building, and set some of his clothes ablaze.” He then stole a parked car that he drove to buy cocaine. He was taken into police custody after he took the car back to where he got it. While in custody “he was forcibly restrained, suffering a broken leg in the process” after giving the police trouble. These events took place when he left the hospital where he was receiving treatment “after mixing prescription medication and alcohol.”
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: HOLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT ONLY RACIST…THEY ARE STUPID
Robert F Kennedy Jr. is facing backlash after racist remarks at a campaign event in Grand Rapids, Michigan. In an article on The Guardian’s website, he is quoted as saying “There’s 500 million Arabs in the world, and yet they don’t produce science, they don’t win the Nobel prize, they don’t win the Fields prize, they don’t win the Wolf prize, they don’t produce literature.” The campaign was in support of a fellow republican who is up against Democratic candidate, a Muslim man named Abdul Al-Sayed. Not only were Kennedy’s comments racist, but they were completely untrue. The article shared that “a factcheck published on Tuesday by the Associated Press showed that Arabs have won, or been short-listed, for all those awards in recent years.” Michigan congresswoman Hillary Scholten criticized Kennedy’s words: “As secretary of health and human services, he has a responsibility to serve all Americans, not use his position to demean entire communities with bigoted and demonstrably false claims. Arab Americans are our neighbors, colleagues, health care professionals, scientists, educators, and public servants. Their contributions to science, literature, medicine, and countless other fields are undeniable. The last I checked, Secretary Kennedy has neither a medical degree nor a Nobel peace prize, and his rhetoric has undermined public confidence in health science. Maybe he should sit this one out.” Al-Sayed has been targeted by Republicans and accused by them of being “a supporter of Islamic radicalism.”
