Life

Punk’s Movie Review for June 7th, 2017

Just in time for the summer blockbusters, D-day and school getting out:

It’s Frankenstein vs The Mummy!

 

That’s Right, it’s twelve rounds with two of the slowest and lurpiest monsters of all time. . .   

2015 – 114 minutes, unrated (probably PG-13) brought to us Ruthless Pictures in association with Image entertainment and distributed by RLJ Entertainment – Directed and written by Damien Lone (Terrifier & the (9th Circle).

 

 

STARRING:

Max Rhyser as the GQ Victor Frankenstein (A four letter word & The Passive – Aggressive Little Toaster)    

Ashton Leigh as Dr. Naihla Khalil the I am not sexy with these glasses professor (The Virginity Hit & Ozark Sharks)

Robert MacNaughton as Isaac the I got a lot of boxes archeologist (E.T. & the Electric Grandmother)

Boomer Tibbs as the wacky possessed Professor Walton (Freezer Burn, Dirty Movie & the F’n Elevator)

Brandon Despain as our happy little mummy (Sinnerman & Day of the Mummy)

Constantine Tripes as Frankenstein’s happy little monster (30 Rock (Lech) & The X Job)

Martin Pfefferon as the look on the bright side Hobo(Drunk Bus & the Twelve Slays of Christmas)

Rahul Rai as the way too curious Detective (Cigarette Soup)

Stefanie Merlrola as the Ditsy intern (Deadly Affairs)

Michael Chmiel as the who stole my tongue medical examiner (Luke Cage & Royal Pains)

Daniel Rodas as the creepy protégé (Terrifier)

 

SYNOPSIS:

At a leading medical University, Two Doctorial Professors, although friends, start dabbling in the dark arts separately only to end up with two maniacal monsters each with their own agenda that culminates in a do or die faceoff in the conveniently located abandon hospital. The two face off when their agendas come in conflict with each other. That is unless the Dr’s have something to say about it and the meaning of existence.

 

Snipit:  “Just out of curiosity how many of you believe that the pyramids were built by aliens? Oh come on guys! Don’t you have any pride in your own species?”

 

Other Memorable Lines: 

  • “It’s Alive I tells ya! It’s ALIVE!)”
  • “We couldn’t build the pyramids today even if we wanted to let alone 4000 years ago. But, priorities have changed. Do you really think the S. government would cripple it’s resources and employ 100,000 people just to prove that we could build them?”
  • “Okay, so how did they transport these five ton blocks without the wheel thousands of years ago? I don’t know.”

 

Junk Food:

A bo3wl of Bill & Nada’s scrambled eggs and brains, a can of Dinty Moore with Sizzler rolls, a McRib with a couple of Happy Meals, a bag of rootbeer barrels, a few Pace’s Dairy Ann Astro Bars, A box or three of Franken Berry and a giant Tiger’s Blood Frazil or whatever gives you a brain freeze to wash it all down.

 

Rating:

3 Prozac’s straight up with some Furosemide for: The creepy Janitor, Hobo without a shotgun, the handy dandy pocket bone saw, a couple of 45 grave parties, We’ve got a bitter, splodin’ heads, a bunch of backstabbers, smoke of the dammed, trading noses, a book of monster anatomy just laying around, tapping your pencil on the mummy, My Mom killed herself! I am so sorry. Do you wanna have sex? Pimp slappin’ Mummy, heart on a stick, Don’t turn around uh oh!, Breakin’ these chains of love and YAAASSSSSSS, having your genitals held hostage nth!!!

 

Final Stupor of Thought:

Well, I don’t know. It’s hot my brain no worky. Head’s up! Next week June 13th is John Wick Day. And, don’t’ forget to reserve your camping space for the total eclipse on August 21st. just take two monsters and call me in the morning. Goodnight now!


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