Life

Punk’s Movie Review for May 3rd, 2017

It’s Blood Sombrero!

That’s Right, Kill Everyone because Sombrero from Sombra means Shadow . . .   

 2016 – 85 minutes, unrated (probably R) brought to us by Black Wolf Entertainment and distributed by One Film USA LLC – Directed and written by Abel Berry (Kodie & Texas Frightmare Massacre) & Jennifer Michelle Stone (Also Kodie & Texas Frightmare Massacre).

Blood-Sombrero-B

STARRING:

Billy Blair as the punk rock thief (Sin City, Jonah Hex, Machete Kills & Pot Zombies)    

Nick Gomez as Lucifer the Ruthless Cartel Boss (Dexter, Looper, Drive Angry)

Paula Solinger as the mysterious Migah Mexican Ninja (Paranormalice)

Tom Procter as Coffin the mystical Bounty Hunter (GOTG, Baskets, Westworld, Roots)

Fred Doss as corrupt government agent Randolph (Bigfoot Wars, Pot Zombies)

Stephen Brodie as Dan the sorta corrupt government agent (The Lone Ranger, Midgets & Mascots)

Jennifer Michelle Stone as the Bumblebee girl (Not much really)

Remy St. Paul as Rod the punk rocker (Deadfall)

Peter Armendiaz as the other punk rocker hippie (Machete, Shorts)

Alex Nico as Puppy Pants (Not much really)

Jayson Atz as Chicken Baby (Not much really)

 

SYNOPSIS:

An ancient evil has reared its head in the sleepy south Texas town of Sucio Sangre on the Mexican border carrying with it the proverbial Pandora’s Box calling all of his minions to him but, when a ruthless Cartel Boss takes notice he sends out the word that he will pay a billion dollars for the box, all sorts of scum and villainy enters the town forcing a show down with Evil and his minions. But, the government authorities, a mysterious Mexican Ninja and the punk rock band Raven just might have something to say about gets what.

Snipit:  Government Authority Randolph “I could swallow a guitar string and make better music than that!”

 

Other Memorable Lines:  

  • “All we need is a little patience and a dash of consideration!”
  • “I think I just stepped in one of his wives!”
  • “Don’t force me to stick a guitar up your ass and play La Cucaracha!”
  • “I need an effing banjo now! Pronto!”
  • “On a scale of one to ten how dead are we? Ask me again in five seconds.”

 

Junk Food:

A flour and beef enchilada with Mexican rice and smothered in onions, rice milk with a box of Honeycomb cereal, a few packs of Hostess mini blueberry muffins, a fist fulla Blow Pop’s and blue raspberry Dum Dums or some hotlix margarita or jalepeno suckers if you prefer, some sombrero lollipops, a couple of chocolate coated candy filled maracas and round it off with a 64oz pina colada or whatever makes you see ancient evil.

 

Rating:

3 Prozac’s straight up with a fist full-o Atarax for: licking your gun, a really cool fog machine, the Rebel Yell, worst back room office ever, garden shears num chucks, the reenactment doll house of horrors, blowing a Smurf and effing a Raccoon, haunted dominos, boob lighten” matches, hey let’s throw in some mud wrestling and tomahawk girls, gettin’ your eye liner and chapstick on, the Honeycomb hide out, meanwhile back at the stick cabin diorama, daytime night vision, a holy water enema, the golden chainsaw, a cereal ladle, kneel before Rod, and YESSSSSSS, a bumble bee girl, dog boy, chicken boy and siesta girl melee beat down nth!!!

 

Final Stupor of Thought:

Well, that’s basically the whole movie right there. So, read it or watch it to see how the pieces come together. Or, just watch Smokin’ Aces. However, be on the look out for Blood Sombrero 2 The Hat Dance. I hope. This week in dvd’s make sure to grab your Underworld ultimate edition and Teen Titans with Firefly figure. Good night now!


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