Boners

Boner Fight for August 14th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: HOW TO ESCAPE A TERRORIST BEHEADING.

Who Is America? is full of great characters, from Cohen’s faux-liberal Dr. Nira Cain-N’Degeocello to that Finnish YouTube star who got Sheriff Joe to scream at a toy donut, but his Israeli anti-terror expert, Erran Morad, is by far the best thing about the new Showtime series. It was Morad who ran Roy Moore through a pedophile test, got Dick Cheney to autograph a waterboarding kit, and who let now-disgraced GOP lawmaker Jason Spencer ruin his career by screaming the N-word and pulling down his pants to expose his bare ass. And on Sunday’s episode, Morad did it again: convincing pro-gun crusader Dan Roberts that the best way to survive a beheading was to chomp down on a terrorist’s dick—and then having him bite onto a dildo for practice. “I survived two beheadings… there is only one defense,” Morad tells the founder of Youth Shooters of America, a guy who has previously railed against the Parkland survivors. “The only vulnerable point is the groin… Do you want to want to have somebody remove your manhood?”

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Boner Candidate #2: WHAT’S UNDER MY SHIRT? TWINS, THAT’S WHAT.

A North Carolina woman who is eight months pregnant with twins was humiliated by a police officer who wrongly accused her of shoplifting items under her shirt, according to reports Monday. “[The cop] pretty much jumped the gun without any type of evidence, except my stomach is large,” the shopper, Sherell Bates, told the local TV station WSOC. “That’s not fair. No mom should have to go through that.” Bates was shopping for back-to-school supplies at Staples in Pineville on Friday when the cop stopped her near a checkout line — and asked what was under her shirt, she told WSOC. “Initially, I thought he was joking, so my response was, ‘Twins,’” Bates said. “I’m 34 weeks with twins. I’m having a boy and a girl.”

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