Boners

Boner Fight for January 17th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT COLOR ARE NORWEGIANS?

Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen had the misfortune to appear at a Senate hearing in the immediate aftermath of a furor over a reported racist remark by President Trump at a meeting she attended. Nielsen’s strategy was to deny everything. Nielsen told the senator she had no recollection one way or another as to whether Trump disparaged the population of an entire continent in shockingly gross terms. “There was a lot of rough language by a lot of people in the room …” she testified. “What I was struck with, frankly, as I’m sure you were as well, was just the general profanity that was used in the room by almost everyone.” So basically the meeting like some saloon scene in Deadwood. There were a lot of really bad words, but it might have been Trump making generalizations about black people, might have just been Al Swearengen, nobody can say for sure.

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Boner Candidate #2: WHO WILL PERFORM THE WEDDING CEREMONY? WILL IT BE SATAN?

When a same-sex couple excitedly opened their wedding programs on the eve of their Pennsylvania ceremony, they were horrified by what they found inside the package. “Rather than send plaintiffs the custom wedding programs they had purchased, Vistaprint instead sent plaintiffs literature with hateful, discriminatory and anti-gay messages equating their relationship to Satan’s temptation,” according to a new lawsuit targeting the web-based printing company. The plaintiffs, Aussies Stephen Heasley and Andrew Borg — who married at a hillside ceremony in Butler County, Pa., in September — added in a statement, “Our goal is to hold Vistaprint accountable for the harm they have caused … and to send a message that there will be consequences for acts of hate perpetrated against others.”

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