Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for July 10th, 2018

BONER CANDIDATE #1: THEM MUGGERS REALLY MUGGED ME.

A man who had a metal cup stuffed up his bottom for ten days claims it was put there by muggers. Security guard Ramdin, 62, said he was robbed of the £545 ($720) he had made selling his motorbike. Doctors said he was knocked out during the attack and woke up with severe abdominal pain. Ten days later he came to hospital and a scan revealed he had a steel cup lodged inside him. Surgeons at Rama Hospital in Kanpur city of Uttar Pradesh state in India had to operate on the man’s anus to remove it. Senior surgeon Dr Dinesh Kumar said: ‘In the vicious attack he fell unconscious and did not know what transpired during this period. ‘After ten days on June 26 he came to us with severe abdominal pain and discharge from his anus. ‘We conducted an ultrasound scan to find out the problem and were astonished to see a steel tumbler lodged inside his abdomen. ‘It seems that the metal cup was inserted into Ramdin’s rectum by the goons, and it got stuck near the intestines, causing him acute pain. ‘Initially, we tried to remove the cup through the anus itself, but after an hour despite our best efforts, we couldn’t get it out. ‘Then we decided to do an invasive surgery from the stomach, and got the metal cup out.’ Ramdin, from Dibiyapur, was working as a security guard at the Government Medical College when he was attacked in June.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: ANYBODY GOT A LIGHT?

A suspected drunken driver went back to his burning car Sunday to try lighting his cigarette using the flames, according to the CHP. Amy Walker with the CHP says Robert Quigley, 25, rear-ended an SUV that was stopped in traffic on westbound Interstate 80 just west of Antelope Road. At the time of the crash, Quigley was driving around 75 to 80 mph. A CHP officer spotted the car after it burst into flames and turned around in traffic to help. As he did, he spotted Quigley switch seats with his female passenger. Quigley later admitted to the officer that he was behind the wheel at the time of the crash. A witness told officials a shirtless Quigley went back to his burning car to light his cigarette, singeing part of his eyebrows off in the process, according to Walker. Quigley later told the officer at the scene, “Yeah I’m not afraid of fire. I deal with this kind of stuff all the time.”

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