Boners

Boner Fight for July 12th, 2017

BONER CANDIDATE #1: I WAS TRYING TO PUT OUT THE FIRE.

A woman dumped a bucket of pee on her burning boyfriend — after she set him ablaze in the first place, according to a report. Pittsburgh woman Leigh Ann Sepelyak, 38, on Saturday allegedly poured gasoline on her sleeping boyfriend and lit him on fire with a cigarette — before she and her parents used a pail of pee, which the couple used as a toilet, to douse the blaze. “The parents, when they heard screaming and smelled the smoke, helped put him out — I think with the same urine — and went to the hospital,” Penn Hills police Chief Howard Burton told TribLive Pittsburgh. The fire burned 25 to 35 percent of the man’s lower body, Bustron said. It didn’t damage the rest of the house.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: GOD BLESS AMERICA.

A bald eagle had been eating fish from his pond and hunting small game on his property in Smithfield, Va., and Allen Thacker was not pleased. So on March 13, the 62-year-old tried to scare the bird away with a warning shot from his Remington .22 caliber rifle, according to court records. When that failed, he shot to kill. But the adult male eagle, shot through the pelvis and the left wing, was still alive. So Thacker then drove over the bald eagle, an official national symbol of the United States, with his red Yamaha Big Bear all-terrain vehicle. At first Thacker denied killing the eagle, according to prosecutors. But a witness saw Thacker circle and run over the eagle at least three or four times and then drag the bird into the woods.

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