Boners

Boner Fight for July 18th, 2018

BONER CANDIDATE #1: MA’AM, PLEASE! LEAVE SPANKY HOME.

A woman whose pet spider monkey allegedly attacked two Home Depot employees in separate incidents has been arrested. Tina Ballard was arrested Monday by Linville Land Harbor police officers in North Carolina, WPBF25 reported, and is slated to be extradited back to Okeechobee County. The news comes after the monkey, “Spanky,” reportedly jumped out of a shopping cart and grabbed a Home Depot cashier’s shirt, leaving “red marks on the cashier’s shoulder and back,” the Palm Beach Post reported in May. The incident was not reported to wildlife officials at the time. In early June, Marilyn Howard, another Home Depot employee in Okeechobee, Florida, claimed she was attacked by Spanky after she noticed the monkey roaming the store’s parking lot with a leash on, Fox News previously reported. Howard approached Spanky, which allegedly escaped from Ballard’s truck while she was shopping inside. While trying to find its owner, Spanky was spooked by the store’s sliding doors, prompting it to jump on Howard and bite her arm, Howard claimed.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: WE CAN’T STOP. SHOWBIZ IS IN OUR BLOOD.

The parents behind the infamous “DaddyOFive” YouTube channel are still making “prank” videos with their kids — despite being on probation for child neglect. Michael and Heather Martin may have lost custody of two of their five children last year, but that hasn’t stopped them from posting clips on their new “FamilyOFive” and “FamilyOFive Gaming” pages. YouTubers have started to publicly blast the couple for continuing the “abuse” — with many pointing out similarities between the new videos and the ones that landed them in court. “A lot of the same things are happening,” said Canadian vlogger Amanda the Jedi, who called out the Martins in a video on Monday. “It seems to be a lot of set-up situations like, ‘We’re exposing (one son’s) text messages to his girlfriend!’ and basically a bunch of situations designed to embarrass the various kids,” she explained. “There is still footage of kids freaking out because they are being harassed. Pranks which are more directed toward the adults which is probably the smart way to go. But it’s still just very exploitative.”

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