Round One
Boner Candidate #1: USING TRANSGENDER PRONOUNS HURTS, WHO, EXACTLY?
A UK doctor who was fired for refusing to refer to transgender people by their preferred gender pronoun says there is a “climate of fear” in his profession with staff “trained to inform” on one another for breaching discrimination laws. Dr. David Mackereth’s contract as a medical assessor for the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) was terminated three weeks ago on the grounds that his refusal to use transgender pronouns could be considered harassment under the 2010 Equality Act. The 55-year-old said his refusal to comply with the edict from the DWP has effectively ended his career, as he would never be hired for another government or National Health Service job again. “As a Christian, I believe gender is determined biologically and genetically,” he told The Daily Mail. “I knew it could be the end of my work as a doctor, but I could not live with myself if I didn’t speak up. It would be dishonest — and I didn’t want to live a lie.” After voicing his objections, Mackereth was called into a meeting with a manager at his employment agency. “He asked, ‘If a man asked him to call you ‘Mrs.,’ would you do it?’ I said I couldn’t,” Mackereth said.
Boner Candidate #2: MA’AM, PLEASE! LEAVE SPANKY HOME.
A woman whose pet spider monkey allegedly attacked two Home Depot employees in separate incidents has been arrested. Tina Ballard was arrested Monday by Linville Land Harbor police officers in North Carolina, WPBF25 reported, and is slated to be extradited back to Okeechobee County. The news comes after the monkey, “Spanky,” reportedly jumped out of a shopping cart and grabbed a Home Depot cashier’s shirt, leaving “red marks on the cashier’s shoulder and back,” the Palm Beach Post reported in May. The incident was not reported to wildlife officials at the time. In early June, Marilyn Howard, another Home Depot employee in Okeechobee, Florida, claimed she was attacked by Spanky after she noticed the monkey roaming the store’s parking lot with a leash on, Fox News previously reported. Howard approached Spanky, which allegedly escaped from Ballard’s truck while she was shopping inside. While trying to find its owner, Spanky was spooked by the store’s sliding doors, prompting it to jump on Howard and bite her arm, Howard claimed.
Boner Candidate #3: WHAT’S UNCLEAR? THE SWORD WAS UPSTAIRS AND IT NEEDED TO BE DOWNSTAIRS
A Virginia man died in a freak accident involving a sword after accidentally stabbing himself in the groin, according to authorities. Police responded around 4:40 p.m. to a home in Newport News on a report about an accidental stab wound, news station WTKR reported. Witnesses told authorities that the 28-year-old man mistakenly impaled himself with the sword while walking down a flight of stairs. It’s unclear why he was carrying the weapon. Emergency responders tried to stop the victim’s bleeding to no avail, according to the Charlotte Observer. The man was pronounced dead at the scene at 5:25 p.m., officials said.
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: WAY TO RUIN NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY.
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — Authorities say a woman drunkenly crashed an ice cream truck into a car, injuring three people on National Ice Cream Day. News outlets report 35-year-old Ellaine Durham is charged with driving while intoxicated and three counts of hit-and-run for the Sunday crash. Virginia Beach Police say Durham was driving the truck through the area around 6:30 p.m. Sunday when she hit a car and injured the car’s occupants. The three crash victims were taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. Police say Durham was found near the scene. It’s unclear if Durham has a lawyer. National Ice Cream Day has been celebrated on the third Sunday of July ever since President Ronald Reagan signed a 1984 proclamation in honor of the treat.
Boner Candidate #2: I THINK THEY SHOULD DO THIS IN THE NBA
During a pickup basketball game at a Dulles, Virginia, LA Fitness, a guy took it upon himself to call law enforcement after he was knocked to the floor following a hard screen. This is a historic occasion, at once the softest moment in the annals of recreational sports and a new entry in our national epidemic of frightened people calling the cops on black folks. You can check out the incident report from the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office at the bottom of the page, though Twitter user @_togs has a pretty complete account. According to @_togs, the unidentified dude, after getting floored, announced that he was going to call the police. Everybody thought he was joking, until he actually did the thing. (In the photo below, the caller is the guy standing on the deputy’s right.)
Boner Candidate #3: WE CAN’T STOP. SHOWBIZ IS IN OUR BLOOD.
The parents behind the infamous “DaddyOFive” YouTube channel are still making “prank” videos with their kids — despite being on probation for child neglect. Michael and Heather Martin may have lost custody of two of their five children last year, but that hasn’t stopped them from posting clips on their new “FamilyOFive” and “FamilyOFive Gaming” pages. YouTubers have started to publicly blast the couple for continuing the “abuse” — with many pointing out similarities between the new videos and the ones that landed them in court. “A lot of the same things are happening,” said Canadian vlogger Amanda the Jedi, who called out the Martins in a video on Monday. “It seems to be a lot of set-up situations like, ‘We’re exposing (one son’s) text messages to his girlfriend!’ and basically a bunch of situations designed to embarrass the various kids,” she explained. “There is still footage of kids freaking out because they are being harassed. Pranks which are more directed toward the adults which is probably the smart way to go. But it’s still just very exploitative.”
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