Boners

Boner Fight for July 27th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: I CAN TELL IF YOU ARE POSSESSED BY THE PRONOUNS YOU USE

Christian minister and failed Republican politician E.W. Jackson made a stunningly stupid claim on his radio show this week, saying those who use the gender nonconforming “they/them” pronouns are doing so because they are possessed by multiple demons. “This whole thing of going to a plural pronoun,” Jackson said, “to me, it is a subconscious spiritual admission of demon possession by multiple demons.” “The only single individual I’m familiar with who spoke from the plural pronoun was Legion,” he added, referencing the Biblical story where Jesus cast demons out of the man. “Think about that: You’re not to be referred to by the single ‘he’ or ‘she’ but the plural pronoun ‘they.’ Who is the ‘they’ in there? We know who the ‘they’ in there is: a bunch of devils,” he concluded. He also criticized aides given to teachers to help them better understand and serve their transgender and gender nonconforming students.

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Boner Candidate #2: UH, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY?

A Texas teen who ran into a church half-naked saying she was raped was indicted for what turned out to be an elaborate hoax. Breana Harmon, 19, was charged Wednesday with two counts of tampering with physical evidence and two counts of tampering with a government record, which are felonies, according to the Herald Democrat. Officials said that teen, who also uses the last name Talbott, made a false report to police on March 8 claiming to have been abducted and gang-raped behind a church in Denison, Texas. The teen turned up at the local church covered in blood and wearing only a shirt, bra and underwear. She allegedly told parishioners that black men had taken her into the woods and raped her. Harmon, then 18, told police that she was raped by two black men in ski masks while a third pinned her down. She claimed that the suspects had kidnapped near her car in an apartment parking lot, news station KXII reported.

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