Boners

Boner Fight for May 14th, 2018

BONER CANDIDATE #1: THE PERFECT CHOICE

A few minutes before the service officially begins at First Baptist Dallas, the orchestra slowly rises into sight, lifted by a stage elevator that delivers them smoothly into position. The robed choir of some 130 people files into place on risers behind them, and a smaller “worship team” of performers strolls out in front. The lights dim, and the congregation—in this setting, an audience—hushes and waits for the show to begin. One Sunday in December, visitors to the church received a booklet containing a photo of the same choir and orchestra, performing behind President Donald Trump. First Baptist retains much of the aesthetic conservatism of its stained-glass-in-the-town-square DNA. The unofficial dress code is “Sunday best,” worshippers sit on wooden pews, and no one brings coffee into the sanctuary. But over the years, the congregation has acquired many of the hallmarks of a contemporary megachurch. In its “worship center,” a stadium-style screen spans the proscenium, which throughout the service displays slick promotional videos, close-up shots of the musicians and performers, and the pastor’s Twitter handle: @RobertJeffress.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: THE PUPUSAS AT DEL CHINO ARE PRETTY PRICEY.

A waitress at a restaurant in Chelsea, Mass. was stabbed by a man who tried to dine and dash. The waitress, who is identified as a 34-year-old woman, was working at Las Pupusas Del Chino at 11 pm and chased after the patron after he ran out on his restaurant tab. The woman confronted the thief at his vehicle. According to Chelsea Police Chief Brian Kyes, once the woman got to the suspect’s vehicle, he pulled out a knife and stabbed her in the neck and cut her right hand. “She suffered two serious slash wounds — one to her neck and one to her wrist,” said Chelsea police Capt. Keith Houghton to WCVB. The woman was found bleeding about a block away, WCVB reported.  “Everything just happened all of a sudden. When I walked up to the front, they said she’s running to this customer. He went without paying. And so, that’s when I came out,” said restaurant manager Gilberdo Ramos, who arrived on scene as emergency crew was placing the woman into the ambulance, the news site reported.

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