Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for May 15th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT MOTHER’S DAY CARD ISN’T FOR ME?

An Upstate woman is facing a child cruelty charge after an incident involving a Mother’s Day card. The Spartanburg Police Department was called to a disturbance at a home on Amos Street on Thursday around 6:40 p.m. Police said when they arrived on scene, a grandmother was standing with her two grandchildren, one of which was crying. The woman told officers her daughter, the boy’s mother, had slapped him multiple times in the front, side and back of the head. The suspect was identified as 30-year-old Shontrell Murphy.

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Boner Candidate #2: I AM OUTRAGED. YOU’RE OUTRAGED? I’M OUTRAGED.

A 52-year old man in the Texas city of Katy has made headlines after his attempt to hire a prostitute through an online service ended in a terrible mix-up that will likely cost him his marriage. In a story resembling elements of the classic 1979 ‘Piña Colada Song’, the man – who we cannot identify for privacy reasons – had been using the booking website for some months to hire prostitutes and meet them for sex at motels in neighboring areas. On the most recent occasion, which occurred last weekend, the man told his wife he was going on a fishing trip with friends, when in reality he was travelling to a motel on the outskirts of town.

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