Boners

Boner Fight for September 19th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WE DON’T NEED ANY HELP FROM YOU; LESBIAN JEW.

A Texas woman who volunteered at a church to help families in need after Hurricane Harvey has been ‘fired’ after the church found she’s Jewish and a lesbian. Carmen Hix told OutSmart magazine that The Calvary Church in Friendswood, Texas needed volunteers to help at the food bank after Hurricane Harvey tore through the community. Hix decided to take off a week from work and donate $500 worth of food to the church. On Friday, September 8, she was taken by surprise when she was called in by a volunteer and the church’s pastor, Ron Hindt, who told her she was no longer welcome at the church after he found out about her religion and sexuality. “I thought they wanted to talk to me about further volunteer efforts,” Hix said. “I was so unprepared for the conversation that ensued.”

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Boner Candidate #2: BEWARE THE MAD POOPER

The Colorado Springs family has spent weeks trying to get a mystery woman they’ve dubbed “The Mad Pooper” to stop defecating in their neighborhood, right outside their house. Cathy Budde says her kids caught her first mid-squat, pants down and unashamed. “They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!’ So I come outside, and I’m like … ‘are you serious?’” Budde recalled. “‘Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids!?’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry!’” The family says it was just the first time it actually caught the runner doing it, but it wouldn’t be the last. Budde estimates the runner leaves behind human waste at least once a week. She says “The Mad Pooper” has been at it for the last seven weeks. She can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation.

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