Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for August 14th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: WEEDEATER. I WAS THE DRUMMER. THE DRUMMER FOR WEEDEATER.

Unfortunately, marriages don’t always work out. Whether you’re bitter at your spouse for deciding to untie the knot or you’re trying to devise a way to rekindle the romance, attempting to poison them with street drugs just isn’t cool. Original Weedeater drummer Michael “Keith” Kirkum allegedly spiked his wife’s rum with meth, and ended up in handcuffs. North Carolina’s WECT News first reported on the incident, sharing the former drummer’s mugshot along with the details of the story. According to the report, she took a sip of a rum drink that had an “odd, bitter taste.” She wasn’t able to sleep for almost two days afterward, so she went to the emergency room and tested positive for methamphetamine. Kirkum’s wife told the deputies that she had just recently told him she hired a lawyer and was looking to file for divorce. When authorities went to Kirkum’s home to question him on the matter, the 47 year-old answered the door with a gun and attempted to flee on foot. He was arrested, and now resides in the New Hanover County jail. If the bottle of rum tests positive for drugs, he faces other charges in addition to the secret assault, assault on a female, resisting arrest and two counts of misdemeanor child abuse charges he’s already been given. Kirkum was one of the founding members of the stoner metal band Weedeater, and was the drummer from 1998 until 2013. Apparently, he’s found other ways to occupy his time since then. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: GIVE US YOUR POOR HUNGRY EUROPEANS ONLY

A top Trump administration official said Tuesday that the famous inscription on the Statue of Liberty welcoming immigrants into the country is about “people coming from Europe” and that America is looking to receive migrants “who can stand on their own two feet.” The comments from Ken Cuccinelli, the acting director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, came a day after the Trump administration announced it would seek to deny green cards to migrants who seek Medicaid, food stamps, housing vouchers or other forms of public assistance. The move — and Cuccinelli’s defense — prompted an outcry from Democrats and immigration advocates who said the policy would favor wealthier immigrants and disadvantage those from poorer countries in Latin America and Africa. ”This administration finally admitted what we’ve known all along: They think the Statue of Liberty only applies to white people,” tweeted former Texas Rep. Beto O’Rourke, a Democratic presidential candidate. The administration’s proposed policy shift comes as President Donald Trump is leaning more heavily into the restrictive immigration policies that have energized his core supporters and were central to his 2016 victory. He has also spoken disparagingly about immigration from majority black and Hispanic countries, including calling Mexican immigrants rapists and criminals when he launched his 2016 campaign. Last year, he privately branded Central American and African nations as ”shithole” countries and he suggested the U.S. take in more immigrants from European countries like predominantly white Norway. Cuccinelli said in an interview with CNN on Tuesday night that the Emma Lazarus poem emblazoned on the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty referred to “people coming from Europe where they had class based societies where people were considered wretched if they weren’t in the right class.” Lazarus’ poem, written in 1883 to raise money to construct the Statue of Liberty’s pedestal and cast in bronze beneath the monument in 1903, served as a beacon to millions of immigrants who crossed past as they first entered the U.S. in New York Harbor. It reads, “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.” Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: THE HELTER SKELTER IN OUR CATHEDRAL IS NOT A GIMMICK.

A historic cathedral in England has installed a giant indoor fairground slide, supposedly so that visitors can see its roof up close.
The 50-foot-high ride, known in Britain as a helter-skelter, was unveiled on Thursday at Norwich Cathedral in eastern England and will be open to the public to enjoy for 10 days.
The church, completed in 1145, insists the initiative is no gimmick — in fact, a clergyman says the idea came to him while he was visiting the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican.
“I had the slightly risky thought of, ‘I know this is amazing, but actually the ceiling at Norwich Cathedral is every bit as wonderful,'” Reverend Canon Andy Bryant told the Press Association news agency. The giant ride is set up in front of a large stained glass window. “And so was born the idea — could we get people up higher to these roof bosses and so appreciate that they are exquisite art as they are the most beautiful pieces of stone carving but also the story that’s captured within them, which is the story of the Bible.”The installation, set up in front of a large stained glass window, is part of a program called “Seeing It Differently.”It follows a similar move by Rochester Cathedral, which unveiled a mini golf course in its central area last month — and comes as churches across the UK struggle to stem a decline in attendance. The ride is scheduled to remain open until August 18. Read More 

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING WAS CLEAN.

A man faces voyeurism charges after a video camera was discovered in the bathroom of a San Diego flight last May.
Choon Ping Lee, a Malaysian national, was arrested this week and charged with video voyeurism within the special maritime and territorial jurisdiction of the United States, ABC-affiliate KTRK reported. Court documents revealed on May 5, a passenger on United Airlines flight 646 from San Diego to Houston discovered a blue light flashing in a first-class bathroom. The woman took the device to the flight crew, who in turn brought it to officials at George Bush International Airport. Security at the airport confirmed the device was a video recording device, KTRK reported.
Officials reviewed the device’s footage to discover it recorded a man installing it in the bathroom, documents say. Airport surveillance connected the man’s clothing with footage of him boarding the plane on departure and leaving when it arrived in Texas. Investigators said they also found footage on the device from another flight, where at least two women were captured on camera aboard an Emirates flight. Lee also works for Halliburton, which provided FBI investigators with Lee’s travel itinerary and footage of him wearing the same jewelry as seen in surveillance video as well, documents revealed. The company issued a statement to KTRK, reading: “Halliburton is aware of the situation and is cooperating with the FBI and U.S. Attorney’s office in their investigation. We have a robust Code of Business Conduct and expect every employee to abide by the standards contained in the Code and all applicable laws.” If convicted, Lee could spend up to a year in prison, face a fine, or both. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THIS ISN’T BABY FORMULA

A mom in Charlotte, N.C., was shocked to discover that the baby formula she recently purchased was actually flour. Madeline Roque said her 9-month-old daughter Adeline was crying, vomiting and refusing her bottle. “Yesterday she was a completely different baby,” Roque said. “I just knew something was wrong.” In an attempt to figure out the problem, she checked the baby formula she had purchased from Walmart. “I looked at the milk and I realize something’s definitely weird, the color is different, the texture was different,” Roque said. She let the mixture stand and noticed that it separated after a while, which baby formula doesn’t do. “And then when I poured the bottle into the sink, I saw how it got. That’s when it hit me,” Roque said. “I saw how it clumped up and I’m like ‘Oh my God, my daughter’s stomach is just the same or worse.’” She came to the conclusion that the formula was actually flour, and notified Walmart about the incident. There have been several recent instances where baby formula was swapped for flour and returned to shelves, including by an Arizona couple who was arrested last month. Walmart told WCNC in a statement that store policy is to not put returned items back on the shelves to be sold, but they are investigating the incident. Read More 

Boner Candidate #3: POOP EVERY OTHER DAY.

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro has suggested people should “poop every other day” as a way to save the planet. His comment came in answer to a journalist who asked him how to combine agricultural development and protecting the environment. Mr Bolsonaro recently came under fire after official data showed an increase in deforestation in the Amazon. He then sacked the head of the agency that reported the increase, accusing it of lying about the problem’s scale. Mr Bolsonaro’s comment came after the journalist quoted reports saying deforestation and agriculture were responsible for a quarter of the planet’s greenhouse effect. “It’s enough to eat a little less. You talk about environmental pollution. It’s enough to poop every other day. That will be better for the whole world,” he said. Scientists say the Amazon has suffered losses at an accelerated rate since Mr Bolsonaro took office in January, with policies that favour development over  conservation. Brazil’s space agency data showed an 88% increase in deforestation in June compared with the same month a year ago. As the largest rainforest in the world, the Amazon is a vital carbon store that slows down the pace of global warming. Mr Bolsonaro and his ministers have criticised the penalties and overseen a dramatic fall in confiscations of timber and convictions for environmental crimes. Read More 

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