ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: A FABRICATED POST ON FACEBOOK? IMPOSSIBLE.
A fabricated post that was seemingly created by Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau suggested that people should avoid texting and talking on the phone to unvaccinated family and friends until they “comply”.
Boner Candidate #2: MARINE JACK-ASSERY AT THE ZOO.
Four marines were arrested after causing over 100 people to be stuck on the gondola ride when they caused the system to shut down because they were swinging back and forth in their car at the San Diego Zoo.
Boner Candidate #3: TUCKER CARLSON MESSES WITH MOB CITY; AKA CHARM CITY; AKA BODYMORE; AKA BALTIMORE.
Tucker Carlson recently called Baltimore “one of the worst places in the Western Hemisphere,” saying, “it’s a little bit of Haiti in the mid-Atlantic”.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: RUDEEEEEEE.
During a taping of The Masked Singer, Rudy Giuliani was revealed as the mystery singer. When judges Robin Thicke and Ken Jeong realized the singer was Giuliani, they walked off stage in frustration.
Boner Candidate #2: MY WHOLE DAMN RIG IN THE DRINK.
A fisherman in Tennessee accidentally backed his truck into a lake after he failed to see the large drop off on the boat ramp. The boat and trailer are salvageable but the truck was deemed a total loss.
Boner Candidate #3: DOWN WITH BUTTERFLYS!
A butterfly sanctuary in Texas will shut down indefinitely after right-wing conspiracy theorists repeatedly targeted the business, accusing the sanctuary of aiding in human trafficking.
