Boners

Boner Of The Day For July 10th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: PAY UP!

For 25 years, the federal Violence Against Women Act has required any state that wants to be eligible for certain federal grants to certify that the state covers the cost of medical forensic exams for people who have been sexually assaulted. Six years ago, a newly minted graduate of the School of the Art Institute of Chicago was working three part-time jobs and adjusting to life as a non-student. She stopped in for a drink one night at a restaurant in Chicago’s Bucktown neighborhood, where she got into a conversation with a guy. The next thing she remembers clearly was awakening at home the next morning, aching, covered in bruises, with a swollen lip. She believed she had been raped and went to the local police station to file a report. The police sent her to a hospital emergency room nearby where, with her permission, a doctor did a medical forensic exam, checking her for injuries and taking evidence from her body and clothes to potentially use in a prosecution case. The exam took hours and made her even more miserable. Police never made an arrest. As time passed and the woman tried to move past the assault, she received The physicians group eventually sent her bill to a collection agency, and she started receiving nagging phone calls as well. Now 28 and living near Dallas, she still gets phone calls and letters a couple of times a year ordering her to pay up. For 25 years, the federal Violence Against Women Act has required any state that wants to be eligible for certain federal grants to certify that the state covers the cost of medical forensic exams for people who have been sexually assaulted.

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Boner Candidate #2: Snake Thrower

Police say a woman stole a vehicle after throwing a nonpoisonous snake at the driver, then crashed through barricades set up for a pole vaulting exhibition in a South Carolina city. In a news release, Greenville Police identified the suspect as 29-year-old Hilmary Moreno-Berrios. They she was hurt in Friday’s crash, and released from the hospital on Monday. Authorities say Moreno-Berrios demanded a woman’s keys and threw a live, black snake at her. They say she then drove the stolen SUV with the snake still in it into barriers set up for the Liberty Bridge Jump-Off. Moreno-Berrios is charged with carjacking, malicious damage to property and five traffic violations. It wasn’t known if she had a lawyer. Police say the snake, which survived the crash, was released in nearby woods.

Boner Candidate #3: I THINK THEY DIDN’T LIKE MY COLOR!

Dr. Tisha Rowe was about to fly from Jamaica to Miami when a flight attendant briefly removed her from the plane because of her romper, she said. A Texas doctor says her race was a factor when she was briefly removed from a recent American Airlines flight and required to cover herself with a blanket before being allowed back on the plane. Dr. Tisha Rowe, who identifies as African-American and Caribbean-American, posted a widely shared tweet about the episode, including a selfie of the romper she was wearing on the June 30 flight from Jamaica to Miami. Dr. Rowe, 37, is a family physician in Houston and founded a telemedicine company in 2014. She said Tuesday that she was humiliated in front of her 8-year-old son, who had been traveling with her. “Had they seen that same issue in a woman who was not a woman of color, they would not have felt empowered to take me off the plane,” Dr. Rowe said. “In pop culture, especially black women with a body like mine, they’re often portrayed as video vixens. So I’ve had to deal with those stereotypes my whole life.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO UGLY?

he Utah Department of Wildlife Resources is sending a warning message after two baby kestrels died in a nest that was tampered with outside a Lehi business. According to DWR spokeswoman Faith Heaton Jolley, a concerned citizen notified the department. “They noticed a net had been installed and it was separating the baby birds in the nest from the adult kestrel,” Jolley said.

DWR officers responded and called the Lehi Fire Department for help because the building was too tall to reach on their own. With the help of a ladder truck, wildlife officers and firefighters were able to remove the net and save the baby birds. But they couldn’t save all of them — two of the five baby birds in the nest were already dead. “Our officer wasn’t sure if they’d previously died or if it was as a result of being kind of cut off from their parents and from being able to get out,” Jolley said. The three remaining baby birds were removed from the nest and were able to fly away.

“It’s hatching season, and so we just want to remind people: Don’t touch baby birds. Don’t bother nests,” Jolley Said.

Boner Candidate #2: THE GENDER REVEAL BURN OUT DOWN UNDER

Australia’s Queensland Police Service released footage of a gender reveal party on the country’s Gold Coast, which took a dramatic turn as a car used to spew blue smoke suddenly ignited. The Queensland Police Service released footage of the incident, which took place on April 18 last year, to warn about the dangers of ‘burnouts,’ an increasingly popular feature of gender reveal parties in Australia. On several occasions over the past year, gender reveal ‘burnouts’ – in which cars emit billowing clouds of pink or blue smoke – have resulted in flaming vehicles and arrests. In the latest drone video released by police, the big reveal initially goes as planned, with celebrating guests filming as the car drives down a road, engulfed in blue smoke. After it comes to a stop, however, the car bursts into flames, and the driver and guests are forced to abandon it. It sits in the middle of the road on fire, amid plumes of smoke that are now black. A 29-year-old man was subsequently convicted of dangerous operation of a motor vehicle.

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Boner Candidate #3: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN; THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

How bad are things at Donald Trump’s garbage Doral golf resort? On Saturday the resort is scheduled to host a golf tournament run by a Miami-based strip club.  “The club is auctioning off dancers as ‘girl caddies’,” writes the Washington Post’s David Fahrenthold. “But it says there will be no nudity at the president’s club.” The “Shadow All Star Tournament” is organized by the Shadow Cabaret, a strip club in Hialeah, Fla. Emanuele Mancuso, Shadow Cabaret’s marketing director, said in a telephone interview that this was the first time the club had held a tournament at Trump Doral. The Trump name and family crest are displayed prominently in the strip club’s advertising materials, which offer golfers the “caddy girl of your choice.”  Trump still owns Doral, but says he has delegated day-to-day control to his idiot sons Don Jr. and Eric.

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