Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for July 15th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: EVERY AMERICAN SHOULD BE PROUD.

Hundreds of immigrant men are packed behind chain-linked fences, unable to all lie down due to overcrowding. Vice President Mike Pence paid a visit to the McAllen Border Patrol Station in Texas on Friday, where 382 immigrant men are packed behind chain-linked fences under “sweltering hot” conditions. Many of the men told reporters they had been there for 40 days or longer, saying that they were hungry and wanted to brush their teeth, according to the White House press pool. The cages are so overcrowded that it would be impossible for the men to lay down all at once, and no mats or pillows are provided so the men sleep on bare concrete. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: SHE WAS PROBABLY SAFER IN JAIL.

After her husband was charged with domestic violence, a Florida woman who said she feared for her life turned his guns over to police. Courtney Irby, 32, then found herself in jail for nearly a week in June as she awaited possible formal charges of theft and burglary. About 2,000 miles west of Lakeland, Florida, such a case is unlikely to play out in Utah, according to Gary Giles, president of the Utah Chiefs of Police Association. “From an officer’s standpoint, we’re not going to arrest her. Nobody’s taking her to jail by any means,” said Giles, who is also chief of police in Orem. “It’s not a criminal intent.” Others see it differently, including Steve Burton, director of the Utah Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I WANNA SEE THEM ALIENS.

Over 300,000 people have signed on to a Facebook event pledging to raid Area 51 in Nevada in a quest to “see them aliens.” The event, titled “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us,” is inviting users from around the world to join a “Naruto run” — a Japanese manga-inspired running style featuring arms outstretched backwards and heads forward — into the area. “We can move faster than their bullets,” the event page, which is clearly written with tongue in cheek, promises those who RSVP for September 20. The mysterious Area 51 has been the focus of conspiracy theories for decades, and many people think it’s where the US government stores its secrets about aliens and UFOs. The area was officially acknowledged as a military site in 2013, but the theories live on. Though the September event is most certainly a joke, it comes just a few weeks after a group of US senators was briefed about reported encounters between the US Navy and an unidentified aircraft — literally an unidentified flying object. Read More
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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: PLEASE RETURN MY FLAG.

A mother who is still grieving the loss of her son is making a desperate plea to members of the community to keep an eye out for a Granite Mountain Hotshots flag — a cherished item she says was stolen from her yard. Joe Thurston, a member of the Granite Mountain Hotshots crew out of Prescott, Arizona, was 1 of 19 wildland firefighters who killed on June 30, 2013, while battling the Yarnell Hill Fire. “We lost the boys on the 30th of June,” Ekker said. The “boys” Ekker is referring to are the Granite Mountain Hotshots crew out of Prescott, Arizona. On that day in 2013, 19 wildland firefighters lost their lives battling the Yarnell Hill Fire, including Ekker’s son, Joe Thurston. The families of those lost received Hotshot flags at the cemetery to remember their loved ones. Each year, from the June 25 to July 7, they proudly display the flag. The flag went missing sometime on Saturday. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: BIG TOBACCO ALWAYS A CLASS ACT.

Corporate lobbyists are increasingly highlighting the concerns of black New Yorkers to support their clients’ causes. The fur industry has been working with black pastors in Harlem to fight a proposed ban on fur sales in New York at protests like one at City Hall in May. With San Francisco banning menthol cigarettes last year, and the Food and Drug Administration considering a nationwide ban, it seemed like the time was ripe for New York to follow suit. Then Reynolds American, the tobacco giant, got to work. It enlisted the Rev. Al Sharpton and his group, the National Action Network, as well as the boss of the Manhattan Democratic Party, Keith L.T. Wright, a former 12-term assemblyman from Harlem, to fight the ban proposed by the City Council. In closed-door meetings with Council members in May, they argued that a ban would disproportionately affect black New Yorkers. They invoked Eric Garner, who was killed on Staten Island by police officers enforcing cigarette regulations, and suggested such encounters could increase if menthol cigarettes were to go underground. The bill has since been set aside. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I SAID MOANA CAKE.

Kensli Davis, whose favorite movie is Disney’s animated tale “Moana,” wanted a movie-themed cake to celebrate her 25th birthday. But when her mom called the local Dairy Queen with the order, the shop heard “marijuana” instead. And boy, did it deliver. Davis posted on Facebook about the twist to her special day. “My mama called and ordered me a cake telling them how much I loved Moana. (Because really I do) Well needless to say these people thought she said marijuana. That ice cream cake was still good though,” she wrote. Dairy Queen had no comment on the mixup. Davis told CNN that her mom’s reaction was priceless: “She was hysterically laughing. “The whole family thought it was the funniest thing ever and said it would definitely [be] a birthday to remember.” Read More
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