BONER ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: OH, THEY’LL GET THE VIRUS ALL RIGHT
WASHINGTON – Missouri Governor Mike Parson, a Republican, downplayed the risk for children who may contract the coronavirus from classrooms during school reopenings, insisting “they’re going to get over it.” “These kids have got to get back to school,” Parson said in an interview Friday with radio host Marc Cox on KFTK. “They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.” “We gotta move on,” he continued. “We can’t just let this thing stop us in our tracks.” More:’Science should not stand in the way’ of schools reopening, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany says His comments come during a nationwide debate over school reopenings as the pandemic continues to rage across the United States. Some experts have expressed concerns about returning to classrooms because of the risk students could carry the virus home to older relatives. Education professionals have also expressed worry they may be in harm’s way. More:Parents guide to online school: 9 questions to help vet your back-to-school choices. State Auditor Nicole Galloway, the state’s Democratic candidate for governor, said Parson’s comments on coronvirus and children displayed “stunning ignorance.”
Boner Candidate #2: SORRY POPPA
A FedEx driver has been caught on doorbell camera footage refusing to help an elderly man from Texas who had fallen over on his front doorstep and was unable to get back up. All that could be seen of the 89-year-old man from Freeport near Galveston, were the tops of his hands and legs after he slipped and fell, ending up on his back while trying to get inside his own home. Shortly after he had fallen, a FedEx truck could be seen pulling up to his home, and the driver got out to deliver a package. Shocking moment FedEx delivery guy refuses to help fallen old man. But instead of walking up to the front door, the delivery worker quickly dropped off the item several feet away from the fallen gentleman who called out for help. But the driver quickly turned around to walk away. ‘A little help here please…’ the man asked politely. ‘Give me a hand,’ he said. ‘I can’t get up.’
Boner Candidate #3: HELP ME FIND MY CAR
Reddit users were left howling after user iGoalie posted a sign found in a north Minneapolis neighborhood. “I got too drunk, parked my car, and rode with a friend,” reads the flier. “We think it’s somewhere in the northern parts of Hennepin County, parked on a residential street.” The poster lists a number to call if the wayward Toyota is spotted and offers an unspecified reward.“I may have saved your life or your child’s,” the sign continued. “But now I can’t find my car.” Bizarrely, pictures taken of the car appear it has already jumped the curb. Local website City Pages quipped, “To say a person, place, or thing is in ‘the northern parts of Hennepin County’ — which stretches 600 square miles and is home to more than a million people — is about as helpful as saying the mythical minotaur is ‘somewhere in the labyrinth.’” “Must have been a hell of a night though,” one Reddit commenter said.
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BONER ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: RACIST? I OVERSEE DIVERSITY & INCLUSION
Boner Candidate #2: MY BUY ONE GET ONE FREE COUPONS WAS IN THERE
Boner Candidate #3: YEAH YOU TELL HIM MICKEY
Mickey Rourke slammed Robert De Niro on Friday, claiming he would “embarrass” the 76-year-old actor “severely” should their paths cross. Posting a photo of De Niro to his Instagram, Rourke, 67, put the “Irishman” actor on blast, seemingly referencing past comments made about Martin Scorsese’s crime drama. “Hey Robert De Niro, that’s right i am talking to you, you big f–king crybaby,” Rourke began. “A friend of mine just recently told me that a few months back you’re quoted as saying to newspapers ‘Mickey Rourke’s a liar he talks all kind of s–t’. Listen Mr.Tough Guy in the movies, you’re the 1st person that ever called me a liar and it was in a newspaper.” Rourke, whose alleged feud with De Niro dates back three decades, claimed in September that he was blocked from appearing in “The Irishman” because of De Niro.
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