Round One
Boner Candidate #1: AS YOUR ATTORNEY, I’M ADVISING AGAINST THIS.
A Hawaii man who painted his face black with a marker for his sentencing hearing has been ordered to serve life in prison. A judge sentenced Mark Char Monday to a mandatory life prison term with possible parole for attempted murder, news organizations reported. Honolulu Circuit Court Judge Todd Eddins also sentenced the 60-year-old to five years in prison for second-degree assault and one year for third-degree assault. Attorney Keith Shigetomi, who withdrew as Char’s defense lawyer after the hearing, said it was Char’s choice to appear with his face and head blackened. Char continued talking and laughing after he told Eddins that he was done with his pre-sentencing statement. A state jury found Char guilty in March of stabbing three people in a road rage incident on a freeway in August 2016. Char repeatedly braked in front of Jesther Marlang’s car before they both pulled onto a median. Char reversed and crashed into Marlang’s car, police said. Char then used pepper spray against Marlang and his passenger, Deion Anunciacion, and stabbed them. During the struggle Char bit and nearly severed two of Marlang’s fingers, authorities said. He also stabbed a passing motorist, Jene Winn, who tried to stop the confrontation, police said. Char claimed he acted in self-defense and called his trial a kangaroo court. “You’re a menace to the public,” the judge said. “This is not a kangaroo court; you got a fair trial.”
Boner Candidate #2: THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH
Police are investigating after a major brawl between a family was captured on video at Disneyland in California. The disturbing video, which was posted online on July 7 shows dozens of bystanders watching as one man dressed in a pink shirt punching a woman in the face after she spat at him during an argument at the Mickey’s Toontown area of the amusement park. Another man dressed in a white T-shirt then steps in, resulting in the two men squaring up to each other before exchanging blows. The man in white punches a second woman in the head when she attempts to calm the situation down. Moments later, the man in pink then walks over to the first woman and starts to pull on her hair, hitting her in the head. The two women who were being attacked by the men then start hitting each other, causing a third woman to fall on the ground as she attempts to intervene. The man in pink then returns, telling the first woman “you got what you wanted,” before repeatedly striking her in the face, causing her to also fall to the ground. A short while later, the man in pink turns his attention to the second woman, landing several violent blows and knocking her to the ground. Several people then pull him off her and restrain him while the second woman remains injured on the ground. Security can then be seen getting involved and separating those involved in the altercation. Anaheim Police said they interviewed the family members involved in the disorder, but none of them were cooperative, reports KABC. The department said they were made aware of the video and are now pursuing a criminal case. In a statement, a spokesperson for Disney told KABC: “We do not condone this behavior.”
Boner Candidate #3: I WAS JUST PRANKING.
A Florida man told Sheriff’s deputies that he threw firecrackers under the bed of a sleeping 9-year-old girl in a “prank gone wrong,” according to a post on the Okaloosa Sheriff’s Office Facebook page. Matthew Morrison, 44, of Crestview, Florida, was arrested Saturday after deputies responded to a home after the explosion woke the little girl. The owner of the house where this happened told the Sheriff’s office that Morrison lives in a tent outside the house and came inside without permission, according to the Sheriff’s Office Facebook post. The homeowner told responding deputies he chased Morrison out of his house with a stick after the explosion. Responding officers spoke with the little girl who said the explosion scared her, making her cry and shake, according to the Facebook post. Morrison was arrested and charged with burglary, child cruelty without great harm, and possession of a controlled substance after deputies found two grams of methamphetamine in his pockets.
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: IT’S LIKE USING A SHOTGUN TO GO AFTER AN ANT.
For most humans, life on the jagged Farallon Islands off the coast of San Francisco would be a nightmare: Waves lash the shore with treacherous force, the stench of guano fills the air, and the screech of seagulls is so loud that resident scientists wear earplugs to bed.But wildlife thrive on “the Devil’s Teeth” — the name given to the Farallon Islands by sailors over a century ago. The islands boast one of the world’s largest breeding colonies for seabirds, including the rare ashy storm-petrel, and their beaches are covered with lolling sea lions and seals. The waters surrounding the islands teem with 18 species of whales and dolphins. The islands also host tens of thousands of house mice — an invasive species that is wreaking havoc on the native ecosystem, according to biologists.
Boner Candidate #2: LIVING UP TO THE SCOTS REPUTATION FOR FRUGALITY.
Scottish man decided to skirt an airline’s excess baggage fee by wearing the extra clothing that tipped his suitcases over the limit. John Irvine of Glasgow was boarding an EasyJet flight from Nice with his family Friday night when he was told his check-in baggage was too heavy. Rather than pay, he opened his bag and began putting on layers—as his amused son, Josh, filmed the incident on Snapchat. “We spent too much on our holiday anyway so he didn’t want to spend anymore,” Josh, 17, told the Mirror. John, 46, had arrived at the airport in just a t-shirt but was soon bulked up to about 15 layers of t-shirts and sweaters for the flight back to Edinburgh. According to Josh, his father had done some shopping on their trip, leading to the excess weight. “Suitcase is too heavy so ma da’s just putting all the clothes on,” Josh captioned his first clip. “About 13 t-shirts down the line,” he added, noting that his father was “absolutely bloody roasting.” Some of Josh’s clothes were in his dad’s suitcase but he was too tickled by the reverse striptease to offer to put extra layers on himself. “I was too busy recording him.” Eventually, the Irvines made their way to security, but John’s unusual appearance caught the attention of Nice Airport guards. “They told him to take off some tops, and he kept taking them off because they were wondering what he was hiding,” said Josh. When the guards were satisfied John wasn’t a threat, he made his way to the gate with armfuls of shirts, which he brought onto the plane. John was surprised when Josh told him video of the ordeal had gone viral online. “I showed him and he was a bit mortified to begin with but he saw the funny side, eventually,” Josh told the Mirror. “He laughed it off.”
Boner Candidate #3: APPALLING IS PUTTING IT MILDLY
At a golf tournament hosted by a Pennsylvania county’s chamber of commerce, four golfers reportedly dressed up as U.S. Border Patrol agents, while their caddy played the part of an undocumented immigrant driving a cart decorated as the U.S. Mexico border wall. A photo posted by the Meadville-Western Crawford County Chamber of Commerce of the golfers received immediate backlash online, where community members have called the costumes “offensive,” “appalling,” and “despicable.” “This was a completely appalling show of racism and lack of any human compassion by ‘professionals’ in our community,” commented one Facebook user. The golfers in the now-deleted photo were participating in a fiesta-themed women’s golf tournament on June 26, held for members of the local chamber of commerce. And it was members of the group sponsored by the Meadville Medical Center who allegedly won a costume contest by wearing matching T-shirts and hats that read “border patrol.” “Shame on you Chamber, shame on you! You gave this group an AWARD!!!! Pathetic,” one community member commented on Facebook. The local NAACP Meadville and Crawford county President, Drake Parker, tells Yahoo Lifestyle that he was “outraged” and “disappointed” when he saw the “offensive” costumes chosen by his local fellow business owners. “That was a flat-out statement or insult to everyone of Hispanic heritage by saying that you all are illegal aliens or trying to jump the border,” Parker tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “Whether it was meant to be funny or make a statement, it doesn’t matter — it was was a bad move, and a dumb move.” One online user slammed the team for having the caddy dressed up as an immigrant and wearing handcuffs, though that detail has remained unconfirmed.
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