ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I TOLD YOU; GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. WHAT? OH.
A drunken Florida man has been charged with aggravated battery and battery on a person over 65 after he entered a home which he thought was his and found a man inside.
Boner Candidate #2: ONCE AGAIN THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA GOES AFTER A TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT.
Text messages written by wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, Ginni Thomas, have been revealed, showing that Thomas sent almost two dozen messages to Mark Meadows trying to convince him to overturn the 2020 election.
Boner Candidate #3: BREAKER ONE NINE. THIS HERE IS PEE PANTS. COME ON BACK.
Truckers in the “convoy” that have arrived in D.C. are complaining that there is nowhere for them to use the restroom so they are having to pee themselves.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: YOUR MAN NEEDS TO BE FED, WOMAN. GET SUPPER ON THE TABLE.
A recent post in the Subreddit “r/AITA” comes from a wife who is wondering if she’s the asshole because she refused to heat up her husband’s dinner after he woke her up at 11pm.
Boner Candidate #2: WELL HE DOESN’T LIKE FUNDRAISING. HE LOATHES IT.
U.S. Rep. Jeff Fortenberry of Nebraska has been convicted on charges of lying to the feds about being in denial of where illegal campaign funds came from. In her testimony, Fortenberry’s wife told the court that her husband “loathed making fundraising calls”.
Boner Candidate #3: WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP? “DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT.”
A taxi driver in Alabama led police on a chase through two states, ending in Tennessee, saying she didn’t pull over because, “I just didn’t feel like stopping today.”
