Boners

Boner of the Day for November 27th, 2019

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: I ATE 40 PIZZAS IN 30 DAYS.

Papa John’s founder John Schnatter said in an interview Monday that he’s disappointed with the quality of their food since his ouster — and he ate 40 pizzas in just one month to come to that conclusion. Speaking to local news station WDRB in Kentucky, Schnatter spoke about the alleged racism scandal that forced him to resign from the company — and the quality of the product since he’s stepped down. “I’ve had over 40 pizzas in the last 30 days, and it’s not the same pizza,” Schnatter told the news station. “It’s not the same product. It just doesn’t taste as good,” he added. “The way they’re making the pizza is just not fundamental to what makes a Papa John’s pizza,” Schnatter said. The pizza chain founder added in the interview that he believes he was set up by other company employees who recorded Schnatter using a racial slur while speaking on an internal conference call. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THINK THIS IS A JOKE? WELL, IT’S NOT.

Toronto police have released a new security camera image of the suspect in these assaults. The suspect is described as black, in his 20s to 30s, and of medium build. He was wearing a yellow construction hat and a dark-blue jacket. (Toronto Police Service) A man allegedly assaulting strangers by throwing buckets of feces on them has struck for a third time, Toronto police said Tuesday as they appealed for public help in the case. Const. Allyson Douglas-Cook said the three incidents, which took place between Friday afternoon and late Monday night, all appear to have been carried out by the same suspect striking random targets. “It’s so bizarre,” Douglas-Cook said in a telephone interview. “You can imagine the questions, and we’re just as confused as everyone — and just as determined to try to put an end to this. Because it’s just absolutely horrible and disgusting and confusing.” Read More

Boner Candidate #3: COME ON. LET’S GO. YOU THINK THAT CAR IS FAST? HA!

TAMPA, Florida – A Tampa man is behind bars after police say he tried to race another driver on the Courtney Campbell Causeway, not realizing the other driver was a police officer in an unmarked car. Clearwater police say 20-year-old Connor Proleika was headed east on the causeway around 2 a.m. Friday when he tried racing the officer. According to a post on the Clearwater Police Department Facebook page, Proleika pulled up alongside the other car, revved his engine and then looked over and smiled at the other driver. Police say he tried to bait the other driver into racing him. When the other driver did not accept his challenge, officers say Proleika sped away, driving at speeds up to 124 mph. “What he didn’t know at the time was that the other driver was a Clearwater police officer, a member of the traffic enforcement team, driving in an unmarked vehicle,” the post on the police department Facebook page says. Read More

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: LINCOLN GET’S PIMPED OUT TO GLENN BECK.

An Illinois watchdog has determined the head of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum in Springfield violated policy by loaning its copy of the Gettysburg Address to conservative commentator Glenn Beck. The state’s Office of the Inspector General started investigating the loan after it received an anonymous tip that officials at the museum “pimped out” an irreplaceable, handwritten copy of the Gettysburg Address to Beck for $50,000 last year. Mercury One, Beck’s right-leaning nonprofit, put the rare artifact on display for three days at its office in Texas as part of a “pop-up” museum in June 2018. In its decision announced Friday, the Inspector General found that, “Given the priceless nature of the [museum’s] copy of the Gettysburg Address, it arguably should be treated with the very highest level of care and caution.” Instead, the watchdog found, the former head of the Lincoln Library and Museum, Alan Lowe, violated its policies on loaning artifacts by taking its copy of the Gettysburg Address for the Mercury One event. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: WE’RE GOING TO CLOUD 9.

An employee at a Utah facility for troubled youth has been charged with child abuse after authorities say he allowed teens to choke each other as part of a game. Tuakimoana Leota, 20, was charged Tuesday with two counts of third-degree felony child abuse. Prosecutors allege that Leota had been working at Oxbow Academy East, and had looked on as several residents choked each other to the point of unconsciousness Friday as part of a game called “Cloud 9” or the “choking game.” Oxbow Academy describes itself as a treatment center for boys struggling with sexual issues. “Oxbow East” is a 16-bed facility specifically targeted for teens who have autism, according to its website. It’s located in Mount Pleasant, in a rural area in Sanpete County. Sanpete County deputies were called to the facility Friday after a 16-year-old boy was choked until he was unconscious, according to charging records. The boy was barely able to speak, a deputy wrote, and was shaking and had hemorrhaging in his eyes. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I WAS KEEPING ON THE DOWN-LOW.

AURORA, Ill. (WGN) — A school bus driver in Illinois is facing charges after video appears to show her drinking alcohol while picking up students. Police said video shows Michelle Passley buying two beers at a gas station in Aurora on Nov. 15 while she was on her morning school bus route. The cameras inside the bus show her take the cans of beer and put them in brown bags and drink from the cans. Thirty-two children were on board the bus at the time. Police said after getting a call from a concerned gas station clerk, the district called the bus company who fired the 44-year-old. The police were called later on and shown the video. Passley was then arrested and charged with two Class A misdemeanors for endangering the life and health of a child. It is unknown if she was legally intoxicated when she was driving because the police were not called immediately. No children were harmed. Read More

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