Boners

Boner of the Day for October 21st, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: MAKE EXTRA CASH THE NUKE BIZZLE WAY.

LOS ANGELES — A rapper who bragged in a YouTube music video about getting rich from an unemployment scam was arrested Friday on federal charges of fraudulently applying for more than $1.2 million in jobless benefits, the Department Of Justice officials said. Fontrell Antonio Baines, 31, of Memphis, Tenn., is known online as Nuke Bizzle. Federal officials say he is currently a resident in the Hollywood Hills and is expected to make his first court appearance Friday afternoon in U.S. District Court in downtown Los Angeles. Baines was arrested Sept. 23 by Las Vegas police and was found to be in possession of eight EDD debit cards, seven of which were in the names of other people, according to an affidavit filed with the criminal complaint against Baines. In the video, which apparently was posted on Sept. 11, prosecutors say Baines rapped about doing “my swagger for EDD” and getting rich by “go[ing] to the bank with a stack of these” while holding up a several envelopes from EDD. A second man in the video raps, “you gotta sell cocaine, I just file a claim…” The criminal complaint alleges Baines exploited the Pandemic Unemployment Assistance provision of federal coronavirus relief, or CARES Act, that was supposed to expand unemployment benefits to freelance and gig workers.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE STRONGEST WORD YOU HAVE FOR THIS I “UNACCEPTABLE?”

MIAMI (CBSMiami) – Day two of early voting in South Florida wasn’t without controversy. A City of Miami police officer faces disciplinary action after sporting a Donald Trump mask while voting Tuesday. Miami Police Chief Jorge Colina is calling the actions of a Miami police officer “unacceptable.” The picture was taken by Steve Simeonidis, chairman of the Miami-Dade Democratic party, inside the early voting polling site in the Stephen P. Clark Government Center in downtown Miami. Simeonidis’ tweet reads, “Here is @CityofMiami Police Officer Daniel Ubeda, in full uniform with badge and gun wearing his Trump mask inside of the polling location in government center. This is city funded voter intimidation. Ubeda should be suspended immediately.” The City of Miami hasn’t confirmed the officers name. But it did verify the pictures. “A uniformed officer, with a badge, and a gun wearing a Trump mask inside of a polling place is absolutely unacceptable and shouldn’t be tolerated,” Simeonidis told CBS4 Tuesday. “I was shocked when I saw it. I knew it was important to make sure that it was documented.”

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU STAY HOME, YA DON’T GET BIT. OKAY?

State lawmakers are looking at codifying best practices for police dog teams after a Salt Lake City audit uncovered a pattern of abuse in the way its law enforcement agency has been using canines to catch suspects. A legislative committee voted unanimously Tuesday to explore a bill on the issue, although one state senator made clear he has little patience for complaints about police dogs.
“I don’t have a lot of sympathy,” Sen. Don Ipson told his colleagues on the law enforcement and criminal justice committee. “We don’t want to harm the public. But if they don’t want to get bit, stay home.” Officials should make sure police dogs aren’t biting people prematurely, the St. George Republican said, but shouldn’t impose restrictive rules that might inhibit officers. Rep. Val Potter, R-North Logan, said he agreed with Ipson and encouraged the committee to partner with law enforcement leaders in the state so police agencies don’t feel the Legislature is “driving something down their throat.” Potter won’t be in the Legislature next year after losing his June 30 Republican primary.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: PAT, YOU DON’T HAVE A GOOD RECORD FOR PREDICTING THE END OF TIMES.

Televangelist Pat Robertson said on Tuesday that God told him President Trump will win, and more than five years later an asteroid will hit Earth and “maybe” bring “the end.” “First of all, I want to say without question, Trump is going to win the election,’’ Robertson, the founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network told “The 700 Club.” “That doesn’t mean you sit home and don’t vote,” he added. “That means you get out and do everything you can to work, but he’s going to win. That’s, I think, a given.” The 90-year-old forecasted disaster for the country and the world after the election, including civil unrest, at least two attempts on Trump’s life and a war against Israel that will be “put down by God.” Then, the world will see “at least five years or more of extraordinary peace” before the asteroid. “What I think very frankly is the only thing that will fulfill the word of Jesus … is some kind of asteroid strike on the globe,’’ he said. “It’s sudden destruction. It’s not going to be some nuclear war. We’re not going to be allowed to blow this earth up.’’ Following a description of the asteroid’s damage, Robertson said “then, maybe the end” would come next.

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Boner Candidate #2: CHACHI IS BITTER BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T INVITE HIM.

Chachi is not having such a happy day. Scott Baio, a vocal Trump supporter, expressed his disappointment over former “Happy Days” co-stars staging a reunion to raise money for the Wisconsin Democratic Party. “What a shame to use a classic show like Happy Days about Americana to promote an anti-American socialist,” Baio tweeted. Hollywood megaproducer Ron Howard, who co-starred as Richie Cunningham alongside Baio on the classic 80’s sitcom ,  announced the event via Twitter on Monday. “The most important election of our lifetimes is right around the corner and Wisconsin is a must-win state. So I’m thrilled to announce a #HappyDaysReunion to support @WisDems on Oct 25,” Howard tweeted. Howard will be joined by “Happy Days” co-stars Henry Winkler (Fonzie), Marion Ross (Marion) and Anson Williams (Potsie).

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Boner Candidate #3: I NEED SOME HELP IN THE LAB.

SALT LAKE CITY — A Lehi man faces numerous sex abuse charges accusing him of convincing three young men — including two he met while they were serving as missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — that he needed their help for clinical procedures. Leonard Loschen, 72, is charged in 3rd District Court with three counts of forcible sodomy, a first-degree felony, and seven counts of forcible sexual abuse, a second-degree felony. Loschen convinced the men that he needed practice either giving them physicals or placing a catheter, according to charging documents. One man said he first met Loschen while serving a mission in Texas. At that time, Loschen “informed the missionaries that he was conducting medical research and wanted them to take part,” the charges state. The missionary said he did not participate, but said Loschen later contacted him in Utah after his mission and asked him to participate. He described Loschen as being “very pushy.” At that time, Loschen gave the man a physical, but the man told investigators it was not like any other sports physical he had ever received. The man said after he and his wife learned that the research was a scam, they “contacted Loschen who admitted to being perverted and was seeking help with his bishop,” according to the charges.

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