ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: FREE SPEECH IS OVERRATED
Massachusetts is taking the fight against nasty words to the next level with a new state bill that would ban the use of the word bitch in certain contexts. State Rep. Daniel Hunt (D–Boston) has put forward H. 3719 that would prohibit the use of the big, bad b-word when deployed to “to accost, annoy, degrade or demean” another person. Anyone who did so would be considered a “disorderly person” under state law. Penalties could include fines of up to $200 or six months in jail. Hunt’s bill specifies that either the person called a bitch or a witness to the bitch-calling could report the crime to the police. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: WELL, WHO DOESN’T HAVE A STRANGE HABIT OR TWO?
A Bridgeport man with the alleged habit of smearing feces on parked cars in the South Side neighborhood has been charged. Ke Hu, 46, was arrested Oct. 15 in the 3100 block of South Halsted Street after police identified him as a man “wanted for using feces and food to deface vehicle and storefronts” throughout June, according to Chicago police. Hu, of Bridgeport, is charged with a felony count of criminal damage to property, nine counts of misdemeanor criminal defacement of property and a count of misdemeanor criminal damage to property, police said. Detectives began looking for a suspect in June after multiple car owners reported feces smeared over their vehicles. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: GOT CHANGE FOR A MILLION?
Police in Pennsylvania say they are looking for someone who bought a used cellphone with a fake $1 million bill and then attacked a woman when he was confronted. Scranton police say Alexis Brown agreed to sell her used iPhone 6S for $100 to a buyer she met online. When the two met, the buyer handed Brown a roll of bills. She gave him the phone and he walked away. The Scranton Times-Tribune reports the roll contained two $1 bills, one $10 bill and a phony $1 million bill. Read More
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: YOU MIGHT AS WELL FINISH THE SECOND BOTTLE
Did you know it’s illegal to drive a Segway while intoxicated? Well, Andy Sigears of Polk County found out the hard way that driving drunk while on a Segway can land you in jail. Not only did Sigears, 48, drunkenly ride the Segway, but he did so outside a Sheriff’s Office substation on Dunson Road, according to a Polk County Sheriff’s Office Facebook post. A Sheriff’s Office lieutenant saw Sigears unsteadily riding the Segway in the middle lanes, swerving and impeding traffic, the post said. The lieutenant said there were other clues that Sigears was intoxicated: he slurred his speech, he smelled of alcohol, and he had watery eyes. But the most incriminating factor was that Sigears told the lieutenant he had consumed nearly two bottles of wine, the post said. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? IT’S JUST MAKEUP
The second-grader at Phillips Academy in downtown Birmingham can be seen with a small bullet hold painted on his forehead. “So they did this in drama class and my boy said the teacher said it’s like he got shot,” Milhouse wrote in her Facebook post. “I don’t like that sh**! I don’t care if it’s Halloween or NOT! A bullet hole in the head.” She added two angry emojis at the end of her message. “It looked so real in person, that it looked like something happened,” the concerned mother told AL.com. “It was supposed to be a gunshot wound,” she said. “That’s when I got upset. A gunshot wound.” Milhouse didn’t feel that putting makeup on a child to mimic a bullet wound was an appropriate school lesson, AL.com reports. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: I HAD TO GIVE THE VIEWERS SOMETHING TO LOOK AT…AND THE CAR WAS COOL TOO
A California newscaster has been fired after mistreating privately owned vehicles at a regional auto show while on live television. On Sunday, Oct. 20, CBS 13 Sacramento broadcasted its usual morning segment, whose highlight was the weekend’s Sacramento International Auto Show, then about to start its final day. On-scene for the segment was correspondent Angel Cardenas, who immediately demonstrated that he had no clue how to act in public by going into off-limits areas to pose on the bodies of multiple show vehicles. “No-one is out here to tell me which car I can’t go in because some of these are off-limits, so I’m going to live on the wild side. Tell me what you think about this pose, Tina?” said Cardenas as he climbed onto the fender of a yellow Ford Thunderbird. Read More
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