Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for March 1st, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WHERE IS GARRET? DID WE LET HIM GO?

Police are searching for a murder suspect who was mistakenly released from state custody in an apparent case of miscommunication, Illinois officials said Monday. Garrett Glover, 29,  was released early on parole after being sentenced in 2014 to four years in prison for attempted armed robbery, according to the Cook County Sheriff’s Office.  Glover, who had been housed at the Cook County Jail since February, 2014, became eligible for parole after receiving credit for time served – 879 days, officials told the Chicago Tribune.

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Boner Candidate #2: WAS THIS SOMEHOW NOT RACIST DURING A DIFFERENT TIME?

A Republican politician running for a state legislature seat in Louisiana is under fire after a picture surfaced of him in blackface.  Louisiana politics website The Hayride uncovered the photo, which showed Robbie Gatti dressed as Tiger Woods: In a Facebook post, Gatti confirmed the image was of him and said it was taken 15 years ago at a church festival “where all the volunteers were told to dress as a famous person.”

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Boner Candidate #3: BOO HOO. BOO HOO.

Jose Torres and Kayla Norton, a couple from Douglas County, Georgia, wept in court as a judge handed down their sentences for a July 2015 incident in which Torres, Norton, and many others associated with the pro-confederate flag group Respect the Flag, drove a convoy of trucks onto a black family’s lawn and threatened them with guns and racial slurs—all while the family was attempting to celebrate an eight-year-old’s birthday.

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Boner Candidate #4: DON’T DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS.

The country just caught wind of one of Utah’s best high school basketball players. Copper Hills senior shooting guard Stockton Malone Shorts — yes, that’s his name — made national headlines Tuesday following his team’s 62-41 win that lifted them into the playoffs. Shorts scored 17 in the victory, according to the Deseret News. “It’s always good to come out strong in the tournament and play like we know we can. It just gives us momentum going into the tournament,” Shorts told the Deseret News.

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Boner Candidate #5: I JUST LOVE THE MAIL SO MUCH

An Irish postman has expressed his “enormous shame and regret” after he was discovered performing sex acts using a mailbox. Last August, a man who was having work done on his late mother’s home in Monea, Northern Ireland, noticed a “puddle” on the ground near his front door, which his mailbox was built into. Suspicious of the mess, he installed a CCTV camera above the door to catch the culprit.

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Boner Candidate #6: DON’T YOU DARE HELP HER UP

A police officer in Tucson, Arizona, was caught on video pushing an elderly woman to the ground during an immigration protest earlier this month. Tucson News Now first obtained body camera footage of the Feb. 16 incident last Friday. It shows an unidentified officer with the Tucson Police Department giving the woman a shove that causes her to fall after the two have a short verbal confrontation during a “Day Without Immigrants” protest. The unidentified woman in the video is 86 years old, according to The Washington Post.

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