Boner Candidate #1: YOU KNOW ALL THE OTHER BLACK PEOPLE, RIGHT?
Boner Candidate #2: WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? THERE WAS ONLY A FEW BUCKS IN THERE. I MEAN COME ON!
A man who admitted to stealing money from a Toys For Tots donation jar at a Jacksonville restaurant in December has been arrested, authorities said. Officers had been looking for Zachary Allen Shultz, 25, since December and he admitted to stealing money from the donation jar at Flame Broiler, the police report said. Witnesses said Shultz also stole money from a tip jar at a Tropical Smoothie Cafe.
Boner Candidate #3: THERE ARE FACULTY PROBLEMS AT THIS SCHOOL.
A teacher in southwest Michigan was caught on camera Thursday while strapping a student to a chair with duct tape — the same week a group of instructors from the same school were caught playing a lewd game on camera. The chemistry teacher at Bangor High School was filmed wrapping duct tape around a 16-year-old student’s chest to stop him from gesturing with his hands — claiming he distracting the class, according to WWMT-TV. While the teacher said it was all fun and games, the student claimed the episode “was embarrassing” and that he wants to press charges, according to the network.
Boner Candidate #4: EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK? NO, NO, NO.
The Vice Chairman of the Wasatch County GOP is apologizing after a letter to the editor he wrote regarding equal pay for women prompted sharp criticism. James Green wrote the letter published in both the Wasatch Wave and Park Record, and he targeted Senate Bill 210—which in part would require employers to adopt base-line policies about equal work and equal pay. Green criticized the measure, citing tradition. “Traditionally men have earned more than women in the workplace because they are considered the primary breadwinners for families,” he wrote. “They need to make enough to support their families and allow the Mother to remain in the home to raise and nurture the children.” He also said paying women more would mean paying men less. “If businesses are forced to pay women the same as male earnings, that means they will have to reduce the pay for the men they employ… simple economics,” he wrote.
Boner Candidate #5: HORSE. IT’S WHAT’S FOR DINNER.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents have confiscated a lot of strange items over the years, including dead monkeys, cocaine concealed inside the cavity of fully cooked chickens and live sea horses. But now they can add 42lbs of horse meat and horse genitals to the list. Officers found the horse meat, including 13 pounds of genitals, hidden in juice boxes at Dulles International Airport in Virginia. Two women arriving from Mongolia were caught carrying the meat last month during a routine agricultural check.
Boner Candidate #6: JUST WANTED TO TRY DRIVIING IT, ISN’T THAT REASON ENOUGH?
Police are trying to determine why a woman got into an idling fire truck Thursday and drove it a short distance before abandoning it. Around 5 p.m., a pair of Unified Fire Authority firefighters were inside a 7-Eleven convenience store, 4820 W. 6200 South, when they noticed their vehicle was missing, according to police. A 38-year-old woman allegedly stole the truck, drove it about eight blocks west and then exited the vehicle to go into a Walgreen’s, said Unified police detective Ken Hansen. The woman told a store employee that a fire truck had been stolen and instructed them to call 911, Hansen said. She then went into the men’s restroom to change her clothes.
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