Boner of the Day

Boner Preview for March 14, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: YES THE REPRESENTATIVE HAS PARTY PROBLEMS, BUT HE’S NOT A DEMOCRAT.

A popular Ohio state lawmaker — who kept a drink cart in his office and was once accused of having a “partying problem” — was arrested Sunday after police found him passed out in his car at a McDonald’s drive-through with a loaded gun. State Rep. Wes Retherford, who was recently re-elected by more than 30 percentage points over his Democratic challenger, faces charges of improperly handling a firearm in a motor vehicle — a felony — and operating a vehicle while under the influence, the Cincinnati Enquirer reports. Retherford, 32, of Hamilton, was arrested the morning after the Butler County GOP’s Lincoln Day Dinner, which Retherford attended, according to the newspaper. Messages seeking comment from Retherford were not immediately returned early Monday. Brad Miller, spokesman for Ohio House Speaker Cliff Rosenberger, told The Post that no decisions had been made regarding Retherford as of midday. “Those will be made at a later time, upon assessing all available information,” Rosenberger wrote in an email. “Speaker Rosenberger trusts the situation will be resolved in a fair and timely manner. In the meantime, the Speaker extends his thoughts to Rep. Retherford, his family and everyone affected by this incident.” Butler County Democrats, meanwhile, noted that a felony conviction would automatically expel Retherford from serving as a state representative. “Alcohol and guns are a reckless mix, and we’re glad nobody was physically hurt as a result of Rep. Retherford’s actions,” Butler County Democratic Executive Committee Chair Jocelyn Bucaro said in a statement. “We are extremely disappointed in Rep. Retherford’s actions and pray he takes this opportunity to get the help he so obviously needs.”

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS THE BEST BOXED WINE

A substitute teacher at a South Carolina high school was arrested after allegedly being so drunk, she threw up on the classroom floor. According to WIS-TV, an incident report from the Lexington County Sheriff’s Department claims Judith Elizabeth Richards-Gartee had an open box of wine in her purse and that students had observed her drinking the wine during class. Richards-Gartee was allegedly unable to stand when a school administrator arrived to the classroom, so a wheelchair was brought in take her to the nurse’s office, before she was transported to an area hospital. The Lexington School District released a statement on the incident Monday morning. “On Friday, March 10, 2017, it was reported to the Administration of Brookland-Cayce School that a substitute teacher was behaving erratically and appeared to be under the influence of alcohol. This substitute is not an employee of the District, but works for Kelly Services. Kelly contracts with the District to provide substitute teachers. The Administration responded immediately, removing the substitute from the classroom and sending her to the School Resource Officer. The District has been advised that law enforcement has filed criminal charges against the Kelly employee.” Richards-Gartee faces a disorderly conduct charge.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE DEVIOUS BUT DUMB POOPER SCOOPER

A man whose company scoops up pet poop has been placed on probation for two years and fined $500 for buying fake Secret Service identification cards and badges online to impress women on a dating site. Christopher Diiorio, 54, of Greensburg, was sentenced Monday by a federal judge in Pittsburgh. He had pleaded guilty in November to fraudulently using an official seal, but acknowledged behavior in two other counts dismissed Monday: flashing an ID card during a traffic stop and trying to use a Secret Service badge to get a government rate for a hotel room. “Your honor, I’m not a bad man, I’m a dumb man,” Diiorio told U.S. District Judge Nora Barry Fischer. “What I did was truly stupid and I’m very sorry for that.” Defense attorney William Difenderfer said he was “very happy” with the sentence which, among other things, will enable Diiorio to continue helping his widowed mother care for his disabled sister and continue in counseling to save his marriage. Diiorio’s wife, who was not in court, is one of the women he met online while holding himself out as a Secret Service agent. The investigation began when police in the Pittsburgh suburb of Reserve Township said Diiorio flashed a Secret Service ID card when an officer pulled him over for a faulty brake light on July 22. The hotel incident occurred a month earlier. Diiorio told the officer he was a Secret Service agent who had just returned from the Republican National Convention in Cleveland. His credential said Diiorio was a senior special agent in the protective services division and, upon further investigation, authorities learned that Diiorio’s first and last name just happened to match those of a real Secret Service agent who Diiorio has never met. Assistant U.S. Attorney Paul Hull told the judge that the case was especially troubling because Diiorio owned several weapons and passed himself off as a protective agent in a presidential campaign year.

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Boner Candidate #4: CONGRESSMAN KING SAYS WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE BEST AND SMARTEST PEOPLE

Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) made an outrageous statement about the contributions of Western civilization ― i.e., the one crafted primarily by white people ― over “any other subgroup” during an appearance Monday on MSNBC. Another guest, Esquire editor-at-large Charlie Pierce, noted that the Republican National Convention was likely to be “wired by loud, unhappy, dissatisfied white people” who wouldn’t tolerate any sign of party rebellion. Chaos had erupted earlier in the day after opponents of Donald Trump attempted to derail his nomination. King retorted that he was tired of efforts to blame “white people.” And then he took it a step further, as is the congressman’s wont: He suggested that white people are actually responsible for most of the good in the world. King: “I’d ask you to go back through history and figure out where are these contributions that have been made by these other categories of people that you’re talking about. Where did any other subgroup of people contribute more to civilization?” Host Chris Hayes: “Than white people?” King: “Than Western civilization itself. It’s rooted in western Europe, eastern Europe and the United States of America and every place where the footprint of Christianity settled the world. That’s all of Western civilization.” Another member of the panel, White House correspondent April Ryan, fired back asking, “What about Africa? What about Asia?” Hayes stepped in to end the discussion with a rather pointed pronouncement. “We’re not going to argue the history of Western civilization,” he said. “Let me note for the record that if you’re looking at the ledger for Western civilization, [in] every flourishing democracy you’ve got Hitler and Stalin as well, so there’s a lot on both sides.” Hayes tweeted about the interview shortly afterward, saying that he was “pretty taken aback” by King’s comments, but that arguing over such a statement was “odious”.

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Boner Candidate #5: OKAY KIDS….LET’S SELL SOME SLAVES!

New Jersey parents are sounding off over a fifth grade class assignment to create slave auction posters. Parents raised concerns on social media after they saw the project this week while attending teacher conferences at South Mountain Elementary School in South Orange, New Jersey. Posters that illustrated “wanted” slaves were displayed on the school walls, according to South Orange Patch. “In a curriculum that lacks representation for students of color, it breaks my heart that these will be the images that young black and brown kids see of people with their skin color,” parent Jamil Karriem wrote Tuesday on Facebook.“It is completely lost on me how this project could be an effective way to teach any student in any age group about American history.” But in a letter, the South Orange-Maplewood Superintendent John Ramos, defended the school project, saying the assignment served to give students a more comprehensive understanding of Colonial America. “One of the anti-bias experts highlighted the fact that schools all over our country often skip over the more painful aspects of American History, and that we need to do a better job of acknowledging the uglier parts of our past, so that children learn the full story,” Ramos said in the letter. The posters have since been taken down, and Ramos apologized to the parents who were disturbed by the images, NJ.com reported. “We completely understand how disturbing these images are, and why parents were upset. This was exacerbated by the fact that the displays did not include an explanation of the assignment or its learning objectives,” he said.

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Boner Candidate #6: A VULGAR PRANK BY A BRIANLESS TURD

Nataleigh Schlette and her fiancé Micah Risner thought it would be freaking funny as well hell to not only take a photo of Nataleigh lying in a bathtub with ketchup all over, pretending to be dead, but to send it to Micah’s sister, too. And as you can imagine, this prank went to shit pretty quickly.Take a look at the brutally unfunny photo they sent.

couple-pranks-family-arrested2

“Please help me! I really didn’t mean to. I don’t remember. We was arguing and I woke up to this,” is what Micah texts his sister.” He also includes that photo. But don’t worry! It seems that Micah’s sister wanted to help her brother cover up his horrible crime. Micah informs his sister he’s trying to clean his mess, and according to Micah’s sister, you have to make sure to get rid of the evidence! The stupidity doesn’t end there. Micah wanted to keep the “fun” going, so he shared his murder “confession” and apology to Facebook to try and prank more of his family and friends. But guess what? It seems like Micah’s own mother called police, and cops came to the couple’s house looking for answers. After cops realized all was well the couple was arrested for “inducing panic.” You idiots. “It did go a bit too far,” Risner admitted in a Facebook post. “My sense of humor is a little vulgar I admit that. But it’s who I am. I’m not out to hurt or make anyone panic.”

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