Boners

Boner Preview for March 16th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: YES, PEOPLE CAN AND DO STOOP THAT LOW

When her husband took a nasty fall and Megan Starich had no other way to pay the bills, she turned to the very symbol of her love ― her wedding ring.  “She cherishes her wedding ring, but she was willing to sacrifice it,” Lt. Rob Pelton, of the police department in Altamonte Springs, Florida, told The Huffington Post. Unfortunately, the ring sale did not go as planned. Starich listed the ring on Letgo, an online marketplace. When a potential buyer contacted her, she agreed to meet with him elsewhere in Seminole County. Starich handed the ring, appraised at $5,000, to the man to inspect it. But instead of giving her cash, he took off running, authorities said.  “It took one second for him to grab the ring out of my hand and be off,” Starich told Orlando’s WFTV. Her husband, Jim Starich, recently fell 15 feet and landed on his head. He sustained numerous injuries, including broken bones, skull fractures, brain hemorrhaging and a punctured lung.   In addition to the mounting medical and household bills, the family has a child with special needs. Megan Starich, who was unavailable for an interview Wednesday, told WFTV the decision to sell her ring was an act of desperation “For us, you know, family is forever ― diamonds are not,” she said.

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Boner Candidate #2: I DON’T THINK YOU ARE QUITE THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB

A West Virginia man applying to be a police officer is now facing charges after allegedly admitting to sexual assault during the job interview. Tyler Ray Price of Nitro was arraigned Monday on charges of second-degree felony sexual assault. Official with the South Charleston Police Department said the charges stem from an incident he allegedly told officers about during a job interview last month, according to WSAZ TV. The 21-year-old suspect was applying to be a probationary police officer when he allegedly mentioned that he had recorded a video of a sexual encounter with a woman who was passed out from drinking, according to WV MetroNews. It’s unclear how the subject came up during the interview process. Department officials contacted the woman a few weeks later, and asked her if she had consented to sex with Price. She told police she did not consent to sex, but had consumed a lot of alcohol the evening she went out with Price, according to WCHS TV. She said she had been unaware Price had filmed the encounter, until he called her a few hours after his job interview to tell her about it. Price has since been released from the South Central jail after posting $25,500 bond.

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Boner Candidate #3: HELL, WE’LL PLOW UNDER EVERY NATIONAL PARK IF THERE IS SOME COAL OR OIL UNDER THERE

Newly confirmed Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke approved a $22 million coal lease for central Utah on Wednesday and made it clear his agency is in the “energy business.” The move by Zinke — his first official action impacting Utah’s natural resources on federal lands — unlocks 56 million tons of recoverable coal in Sevier and Sanpete counties long sought by Bowie Resources to prolong the life of SUFCO, Utah’s largest coal mine locally operated by Bowie’s subsidiary, Canyon Fuel Co. In other action that Zinke says signals a new focus on energy development on public lands where “appropriate,” he appointed Mike Nedd as acting director of the national BLM. Nedd was described as a career employee and was assistant director for energy, minerals and realty management, holding that position since 2007. Zinke was blunt about the pivotal change. “Let me make one thing clear, the Interior Department is in the energy business, and Mike is an energy guy who understands the balance we must strike when developing resources and creating jobs on our public lands. It is my hope that working together he will help identify areas where we can expand responsible mineral development while still conserving habitat and wildlife.”

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Boner Candidate #4: TOO MUCH WEED CAN MAKE YOU FORGETFUL

The police in Monroe, Washington, are currently trying to figure out who anonymously donated a cooler to the local Goodwill—not to give that person a tax receipt for their very heartfelt donation—but to find out why there was $24,000 worth of weed inside of it.  Although marijuana sales in Washington State are legal for both medical and recreational use, it’s only lawful to have an ounce or less for personal use. Anything more than 40 grams is a felony that can carry a five-year jail sentence and a $10,000 fine. According to a local FOX affiliate, the police are checking the charity store’s security cameras to see if they can identify the very forgetful stoner who left roughly four pounds of weed in an otherwise unassuming cooler. Or perhaps the culprit was actually just Johnny Marijuana Seed making a charitable donation, spreading the word and spreading the seeds.

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Boner Candidate #5: SEEEMS LIKE THERE IS EVERY INDICATION THIS WAS A HATE CRIME.

An unidentified man broke into an Arizona mosque early Monday morning and ripped up copies of the Quran. The Islamic Center of Tucson wrote in a Facebook post that the man, seen in surveillance footage wearing a University of Arizona T-shirt, entered the mosque at about 3:30 a.m. Monday. “He ripped copies of the Qur’an and threw them around the prayer room before leaving the building,” the center wrote. “Thankfully no one was hurt.” “The camera footage leads us to believe the sole intent of this individual was to damage the center’s religious property,” the center wrote in another post. “The Tucson Police Department responded quickly. As always, they were kind, courteous, and thorough with their investigation.” The department’s Sgt. Kim Bay told Tucson News Now that police were searching for the man seen in surveillance footage. “There is no indication this was a hate crime,” Bay said, adding that the department wanted to question the man before speculating about his motives. “Although we are disheartened by this incident, we understand that this is an isolated incident,” the center wrote. “The ICT has been a part of the Tucson community since the late 1980’s and since then, the Tucson community has been kind, welcoming, and supportive.”

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Boner Candidate #6: SURE, PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS JUST LIKE A NAZI DEATH CAMP.

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