Round One
Boner Candidate #1: SO YOU’RE AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION AND YOU GOT YOUR PREGGO WIFE WITH YOU. SUCKY, HUH?
Donald Trump Jr. speaks at the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland. Trump Jr. appeared on the “The Adam Carolla Show” in 2007, when it broadcast from the Playboy Mansion. In January 2007, Adam Carolla broadcast his radio show, “The Adam Carolla Show,” live from the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Among the various guests that day was none other than our country’s most aggressively online son, Donald Trump Jr., who took the opportunity to talk about his dick, his father’s dick, how the two compare, and just how much of a hardship it is to be surrounded by Playboy Playmates when you have a pregnant wife in tow.
Boner Candidate #2: I’M SORRY. I WAS BEING IMPULSIVE.
A man who robbed a New Orleans bank of $1,100 kept the money for only about 90 minutes before he called the FBI to confess, according to court documents accompanying his guilty plea this week. Eddie James, 41, entered his plea Wednesday on a bank robbery charge, according to court documents. James faces a possible 20-year prison term when he’s sentenced in August. On the morning of last Nov. 2, James was on his way to work when he decided to rob the bank in the River Bend area of New Orleans, prosecutors wrote. Wearing a blue suit, hat and glasses, he walked in and gave the teller a note around 10 a.m. “This is a robbery!! Don’t look up,” the note said, according to court documents. “Put the money in the bag!! Don’t chance it!!”
Boner Candidate #3: CONOR WENT BANANAS
MMA star Conor McGregor was arrested late Thursday night, following a ruckus earlier in the day at Barclays Center, officials said. McGregor, accompanied by his lawyer, surrendered at the 78th Pct. station house and is expected to be charged with criminal mischief and reckless endangerment, law enforcement sources said. The 29-year-old Irish brawler hurled a police barricade at a bus following a press conference at Barclays hyping a lightweight UFC fight on Saturday between Khabib Nurmagomedov and Max Holloway. McGregor was upset because UFC officials have decided to strip him of his lightweight championship after the fight between the other contenders. He hasn’t fought in a UFC event since 2016 – though he famously took on Floyd Mayweather Jr, in the boxing ring on Aug. 26, 2017.
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: I DIDN’T WIN THE BONER LAST TIME SO LET’S TRY AGAIN.
A Kansas man who was hospitalized after sneaking into his ex-girlfriend’s home and falling through the ceiling has been arrested for allegedly stealing clothes from another home after leaving the hospital. The Salina Journal reports Tyler Bergkamp was arrested several hours after he walked out of Salina Regional Health Center on Tuesday. He’d been arrested last week after authorities said he broke into his ex-girlfriend’s home and hid in the attic for a couple hours before falling through the ceiling. On Tuesday, a woman reported finding a hospital gown on her bed and noticing her clothing had been disturbed.
Boner Candidate #2: CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE ONE OF THE WORST DRUNK DRIVERS EVER!
Boner Candidate #3: I NEEDED A SECOND JOB
A Connecticut school bus driver has been charged with buying and selling heroin while driving his bus. Twenty-nine-year-old Garfield Howell was charged Thursday with selling narcotics and risk of injury to a minor. Police say he lives in Stratford but drives a school bus in Bridgeport. Stratford police say no children were on the bus when he was dropping off or picking up drugs. A manager from the bus company says they are investigating the allegations.
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