Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for December 17th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THE LORD KNOWS WHAT A GREAT WIFE SHE IS

Pastor John Gray addresses the audience at Relentless Church during the event “The Bridge – A Conversation on Race, Politics, Culture and the Role of the Church” Wednesday, Nov. 14, 2018. Greenville pastor John Gray appears to have gifted his wife a $200,000 Lamborghini sports utility vehicle for their eighth anniversary. Update: With tears, John Gray defends gift to wife: No Relentless Church money used to buy Lamborghini. In an Instagram video taken at the celebration, Gray leads his wife to a bow-wrapped car and hands her the keys while saying “Lamborghini Urus.”

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Boner Candidate #2: IF YOU ARE A CATHOLIC YOU ARE TAUGHT THIS IS A MORTAL SIN.

Grieving the most tragic loss two parents could endure, Jeff and Linda Hullibarger expected comfort from a priest’s homily at their son Maison’s funeral. Instead, the priest lectured the hundreds of mourners that suicide is wrong, and repeatedly referenced the 18-year-old taking his own life. “I looked at Jeff and thought, ‘What is he doing?’ ” Linda Hullibarger said Sunday. “We have five other kids. Nobody could believe it,” Jeff Hullibarger said. “I looked at the parish, and everyone had the same look on their faces.” As the priest’s words ripped open the Michigan family’s wounds, Jeff Hullibarger tried to intervene. “After the first few times that he said that word [suicide], I approached the pulpit and I told him, I whispered in his ear, ‘Father, please stop.’ ”

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Boner Candidate #3: HAS ANYONE SEEN BALOO? HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.

Baloo the cat was welcomed home to Dartmouth, N.S., Saturday night. (Stephanie Blanchet/Radio-Canada). After an accidental trip via courier service, a 17-hour drive and a 2,400-kilometre round trip, the cat came back. A Nova Scotia family was reunited with their pet Saturday night after the animal crawled into a box bound for Alberta more than a week ago. Purolator employees discovered the cat in Montreal and called the local SPCA, which tracked down its owners.  Jacqueline Lake had been searching for her family’s one-year-old tabby for four days when she got the call. She and her family thought the cat might have escaped while the kids were leaving for school. They put up flyers and went around the neighbourhood knocking on doors and looking under sheds.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: HAVING FUN AT THE CAMP FIRE CLEAN UP SITE

Three construction company employees assigned to clean up the Camp Fire burn zone were fired — and face a criminal investigation — after one of them allegedly posted to social media a series of offensive photos showing themselves in the scorched Northern California area, the company announced. The Bigge Crane and Rigging employees were fired following their “abhorrent” behavior cleaning up the town of Paradise, in Butte County, which was destroyed by the deadly Camp Fire. A spokesperson for the Paradise Police Department confirmed to Fox News on Sunday that officials have opened a criminal investigation into the employees’ behavior, and were consulting with the Butte County District Attorney’s Office. The photos posted to Facebook appeared to show the workers goofing off at the homes lost in the deadly blaze, which fire officials have said spanned more than 153,000 acres. In one photo, shared by the Town of Paradise Facebook page, a man was seen sitting on a mailbox shaped like a fire truck, alongside the caption: “I got to ride on a fire truck today.”

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Boner Candidate #2: DON’T YOU THINK HE’D BE A DANDY GOV. FOR UTAH?

After a 7-year-old migrant girl died this week following her trek to the United States, former Republican congressman Jason Chaffetz says the message to other migrants thinking about making the same trip should be “Don’t make this journey; it will kill you.” Chaffetz, who represented Utah’s 3rd Congressional District from 2009 to 2017, made the comment on Fox News on Friday evening during a panel discussion. “Look, the sad reality is we have a 7-year-old girl who has died, and she should have never, ever made that journey,” Chaffetz said. “And that should be the message: Don’t make this journey; it will kill you, and that should be the message.”

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Boner Candidate #3: MAYBE SHE REALLY NEEDED SOME CAT POOP

A female thief who took an Amazon box from a porch in Shamokin got a big surprise when she opened it. Robert Lynch, from whose porch the box was taken at 7 a.m. Wednesday, said the package was filled with cat poop he’d forgotten to put out with his trash.  “Whoever it was got cat [poop] for Christmas,” he said.  The “porch pirate” as he calls the thief was caught on his home security system, which he’d installed after two thefts of coins and tools from his vehicle. The video shows a woman with a  large backpack and carrying something covered with a blanket, he said. She is seen looking at the house, walking past and then returning. She did not go onto the porch. When she was unable to maneuver the box through a wrought iron fence, she slide the box — about 10 inches long and six to eight inches deep, along the porch to the steps where she could pick it up.

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