Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) For January 7th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: HE’S A LIAR A CHEATER AND A BAD SPELLER

If you mess up in your marriage, a groveling, apologetic chest tattoo probably isn’t the best way to repair things with the missus. Unfortunately, no one seems to have shared that sage wisdom with Jose L. Torres, a man thought to be from Houston, Texas, who got a lengthy mea culpa inked on his torso just after New Year’s.

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Boner Candidate #2: SHE’S LEARNING TO FIT RIGHT IN WITH THE FAMILY.

Scott Disick has been slammed for “eating Asian food and being racist” after sharing a photo of his daughter Penelope in a restaurant.The six-year-old, whose mom is Kourtney Kardashian, held her eyelids as he clutched a pair of chopsticks in the photo, shared to his 21 million Instagram followers.

Boner Candidate #3: I ONLY STEAL WHEN I’M DOING HEROIN, AND THAT DAY I WAS DOING METH.

A St. George man whose fingerprints police say connect him to a burglary in the city said he didn’t commit the crime because he was high on methamphetamine that day and doesn’t normally burglarize or steal while on meth.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I NEED A BLOOMIN’ ONION. I REALLY NEED ONE.

A woman in Palm Beach County was arrested after allegedly assaulting her parents when they refused to take her to an Outback restaurant.
Deana Seltzer, 28, was charged with domestic battery, battery on a person 65 years of age or older and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
The victim’s mother told police that Seltzer asked to go to Outback. When the mother said no, that’s when Seltzer became enraged and began punching her chest and arms.

Boner Candidate #2: DUDE. IT WAS 33 YEARS AGO.

A Florida man wasn’t willing to give his father a “pizza” his heart. Robert Houston was arrested Thursday after he allegedly attacked his father with a pizza upon finding out his old man helped deliver him at birth, WFLA reported. Police arrived at the home in Holiday, Fla., and discovered a slice of the pie on a chair along with cheese and tomato sauce splattered inside the residence.

Boner Candidate #3: POSSIBLE SEX ABUSE? I’D SAY PROBABLE.

Phoenix police are investigating possible sex abuse at a nursing facility after a female patient recently became pregnant and gave birth, KPHO reports.
Sources tell KPHO that the alleged victim has been a patient at the Hacienda HealthCare facility for at least a decade after a near-drowning incident left her in a vegetative state. That woman gave birth to a baby boy on Dec. 29. “None of the staff were aware that she was pregnant until she was pretty much giving birth,” a source familiar with the situation said.

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