Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) for May 10th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: SORRY ALL YOU GET IS A SUN-WICH.

When students in Warwick, R.I., line up in the cafeteria next week, they’ll have no shortage of lunch options. Do they want a chicken Parmesan melt? Hummus and fresh vegetables with tortilla crisps? Pizza? Sweet potato tots? A burger? Something from the deli bar? Or, in the popular all-day-breakfast category, pancakes with a cheese omelet and a side of bacon? But for some, making a decision won’t be necessary. Starting Monday, any student with unpaid lunch debt will be automatically given a sunflower seed butter and jelly sandwich instead of hot food, the city’s school district announced Sunday. Officials told the Providence Journal that the policy is necessary because the district is owed tens of thousands of dollars in lunch money, on top of contending with a budget deficit in the millions. But critics argue that since children have no control over their parents’ finances, they shouldn’t be penalized or potentially subjected to public humiliation because of their inability to pay.

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Boner Candidate #2: DENNIS MAY HAVE BEEN DRUNK

The owners of an upscale yoga studio are accusing Dennis Rodman of participating in a brazen daytime clothing heist … and the whole bizarre thing was captured on video obtained by TMZ Sports. Here’s the deal … the NBA Hall of Famer entered VIBES Hot Yoga in Newport Beach around 12:45 PM on Tuesday with 3 companions — 2 women and 1 man.  Almost immediately after they arrived, things got weird — the owner tells us Dennis began distracting employees while the woman in a long-sleeved green shirt began stuffing clothing into her purse.  At one point, the woman hides behind Rodman while she tucks a shirt away. Then, things get weirder …Rodman’s male companion grabs a large $2,500 crystal art piece from the front desk and tries to place it on a steel dolly, insisting he wants to buy it. But, the guy drops the crystal — which shatters all over the floor — and while the staff is distracted, the woman in the green-sleeves grabs another clothing item and again stuffs it into her purse.

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Boner Candidate #3:HOW ABOUT WE JUST HAVE MEN GET VASECTOMIES?

A strict abortion law that could be enacted in Georgia at the start of 2020 would pose hardships on women who don’t know they are pregnant by six weeks or can’t see a medical provider within the legal time frame, doctors and activists say. It also would force women to report rape or sex abuse to the police before they can get an abortion — a process women’s rights activists say revictimizes them. The state’s “fetal heartbeat” abortion bill, which Republican Gov. Brian Kemp is expected to sign by May 12, bans women from getting abortions after a heartbeat is detected, or about six weeks into pregnancy.  The bill has stirred up opposition among Democratic lawmakers and abortion advocates, who claim that it attacks women’s rights. The current state law allows abortions up to the 20th week of pregnancy.  As of 2014, there were 17 abortion clinics in Georgia,according to the Guttmacher Institute, a research group that supports abortion rights.
“The reality is that when we say that this is a de facto ban, it’s because it happens before most women even know they are pregnant,” said Staci Fox, president and CEO of Planned Parenthood Southeast Advocates. “Let’s not pretend that this is anything but an all-out ban, an all-out assault on women’s health care.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: A LITTLE EUTHANASIA DRUG WON’T HURT THE PUPPY.

More than a year ago, the ABC7 Iteam broke an investigation that upended the pet food industry. After months of sophisticated lab tests, they discovered the euthanasia drug, pentobarbital, in pet food. The FDA immediately launched an investigation, which is still ongoing. But even while in the FDA’s cross-hairs, a major pet food ingredient supplier was still pushing out product containing pentobarbital. In a warning letter from the FDA to pet food ingredient supplier, JBS-MOPAC, six inspections are outlined at the JBS rendering facility in Souderton, Pennsylvania, between March and October of last year, all in the wake of our investigation. The FDA found “significant violations” including the presence of the euthanasia drug pentobarbital in the company’s animal fat and tallow products on multiple occasions. Despite promises to the FDA to clean up its supply chain and procedures, the FDA concludes that the company “failed to identify and exclude raw materials and ingredients containing pentobarbital.”

Boner Candidate #2: MMMMM….AARDVARK PIZZA.

A Kilmarnock restaurant claimed to have made history by becoming the first eatery in Scotland to serve up aardvark. Yes, you read that right. AARDVARK. Indian Accent restaurant added a rather unusual item to their menu in the form of a Spicy Aardvark Pizza, the price of which ranges between £6.50 and £11.50. The restaurant’s head chef Anser Anton, 43, revealed to The Daily Record that the dish was made with green chillies, spicy chicken, lamb mince and of course, aardvark. He said he had created it in order to offer customers something “different and unique”. However whether or not the pizza really does contain meat from the nocturnal mammal is yet to be determined. One customer who visited the restaurant on Wednesday claims the business backtracked on the ingredients after being confronted by an inspector. Speaking to MailOnline, they explained: “It was really bizarre. A woman in a white coat and a hair net said she was an inspector and wanted more information on the aardvark pizza.

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Boner Candidate #3:STEALING SCRAP AND LEAVING CRAP

A burglar was caught on surveillance video stealing scrap metal and defecating on a trailer outside of a Oakland Park business. The bizarre burglary happened at Latitude Windows, along the 4800 block of Northeast 10th Avenue. Chris Luther, the owner of the business, said he’s been targeted by crooks over the last few weeks. Luther said he keeps the scrap metal behind the shop until they can recycle it. However, on the day they set out to recycle, they saw that some pieces were missing. “We keep all of the old windows and doors we remove over the course of the week,” Luther said. “Break them down on Saturdays, recycle it, use the money to pay for materials, building supplies. We use that money, like I said, to pay for our Tapcons, our sealants, things of that nature, and now we have to dip into an operating account.” “It is valuable,” Luther continued. “Aluminum typically ranges anywhere from 40 to 55 cents per pound.”

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