Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for November 16th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: I THOUGHT I ONLY BOUGHT TWO SUITS

A Chinese man claims to have bought a live peacock, pig and giant salamander online after getting drunk on Singles’ Day. A man who claims he accidentally bought a live pig, a peacock and a giant salamander while drunk on Singles’ Day – China’s annual internet shopping frenzy – has gone viral on Chinese social media. The WeChat post from the unidentified man was shared on Weibo by the user Puzhexu on Monday, and gained nearly 10,000 likes and comments, as well as more than 14,000 reposts on the platform. “In the early hours of yesterday morning, when I was drunk, I clicked on Taobao and started shopping … All along I thought I had only bought two sets of clothes,” the man wrote.

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Boner Candidate #2: I TOLD YOU IT WAS TOO COLD IN HERE.

An allegedly intoxicated man in Nebraska has been arrested after threatening his roommates with an ax because he was upset over the thermostat setting, police said. John Crane, 46, of Lincoln, was arrested early Wednesday after police responded to reports of a man wielding an ax near 26th and Y streets. Witnesses told investigators that Crane was intoxicated and had just threatened his two roommates, telling the couple that their apartment was simply too chilly. “Crane was upset with them over the temperature the thermostat was set to and threatened them with an [ax],” Lincoln police posted on Facebook. “The man wrestled Crane to the ground and held him until officers arrived on scene.” Crane, who was arrested for terroristic threats and use of a weapon to commit a felony, remains in custody and is expected to see a judge Thursday afternoon, a police spokeswoman told The Post.

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Boner Candidate #3: THEY CAUGHT HIM IN THE NECK OF TIME.

Charles Dion McDowell was recently arrested on multiple charges (Escambia County Sheriff’s Office) The mugshot of a Florida man is garnering considerable attention due to a slew of online jokes about the size of the suspect’s neck. Charles Dion McDowell was recently arrested on multiple charges, including meth and cocaine possession with the intent to sell, manufacture or deliver. His mugshot was then shared to Facebook by the Escambia County Sheriff’s Office, leading numerous remarks in the comments section. “They gonna put him in jail and throat away the key,” commented one user named Noble McGregor. Another user named Barry Jacobs wrote, “His neck is still at LARGE!!!” And a commenter named Ramon Ross reacted to all of the posts at the suspect’s expense.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: FROG CAKE? NO WORRIES MATE.

The birthday cake Shane Hallford bought for his son, Mason, 3, from Woolworths in Australia. Two parents in Australia are hoppin’ mad after they picked up a comically bad cake for their 3-year-old son’s “frog-themed” birthday party. Shane Hallford, 43, told U.K.’s The Sun he ordered the $49 AUD ($35) cake at Woolworths, an Australian supermarket chain, three days before his son. Mason’s big day. He asked if the cake could be decorated with a colorful number “3” and a big green frog. “They told me it could be done, no worries at all,” he told the paper. “He wrote down everything I said and said it would be ready by Sunday morning. I was very excited to see it.” Hallford was in a rush the morning of his son’s birthday party and didn’t check the cake when he picked it up at the market.

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Boner Candidate #2: NO, NO, NO….I MEAN A BOWEL BOMB. YOU KNOW. I WAS GONNA DESTROY THE TOILET.

Arthur Posey faces two counts of communicating of false information of planned arson in connection to alleged threats made at Willie’s Chicken Shack on Canal Street on Tuesday, Nov. 13, 2018. A man accused of threatening to blow up Willie’s Chicken Shack Tuesday night (Nov. 13) claimed to police when confronted about the allegation that his words were merely a reference to a bowel movement, the man’s warrant states. Arthur Posey, 30, was booked on charges in connection to a bomb threat after his story was not corroborated with the restaurant’s employees, New Orleans police wrote in the warrant. Shortly after police were made aware of the bomb threat at the Canal Street restaurant, an officer confronted Posey inside a business in the next block, where the officer saw Posey enter. Posey claimed to the officer he told a male employee he was going to “’blow the bathroom up,’ in reference to a bowel movement,” the warrant states. However, police say a Willie’s Chicken Shack employee told officers “Mr. Posey never told him anything about a bathroom.”

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Boner Candidate #3: OH, OH….SPAGHETTIO’S.

Police are investigating an assault involving several cans of SpaghettiOs in Pittsburgh. WTAE-TV reports a woman told police she was meeting someone in the city’s Terrace Village neighborhood last month when another woman approached her and began throwing the canned spaghetti at her vehicle. The victim says the suspect tried stabbing her with a knife, and she was sliced in the finger. Police say the victim managed to get away, taking the attacker’s purse with her. Items in the purse helped authorities identify the suspect as 59-year-old Eileen Gettleman. Police say the victim’s car was left with a broken back window and a splattering of red sauce and pasta.

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