Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) for November 6th, 2018

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1: I HAVE BEEN ENDORSED BY THE RIGHT GOD.

Todd E. Zenger issued a statement with an apology Monday evening. He wrote: “I recognize the contributions made to our community by people of all walks of life, religions, faiths or beliefs. I believe in showing kindness, compassion and respect to all people. I regret any misunderstanding about my mailer. I apologize for any hurt caused by my choice of words. It was never my purpose or intent to be insensitive to any person, race or religion, or to malign any religion or race. Please accept my apology. Many thanks. Todd E. Zenger” A Utah House District 36 candidate’s flyer sparked major controversy hours before Election Day. Todd Zenger and his campaign released a political flyer referencing “our religion” and “our God.” Zenger is an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and is running against Patrice Arent, an active member of the Jewish faith. The United Jewish Federation of Utah released a statement concerning the flyers, saying it hopes Zenger supports all religions and not just his own.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: PORTOBELLO BEACH? MORE LIKE POOP-O-BELLO BEACH

A Scottish beach has become a health hazard after campers started dumping their poop there. Portobello Beach, located near Edinburgh, is at the center of a fight after human waste started appearing on the beach and in the sea – and it’s reported to come from RVs there. The Edinburgh Evening News reports 15 RVs and caravans have been parked at the beach’s King’s Place parking lot, which has “infuriated” local residents. Resident Bridgeen Caulfield told the paper: “My friend’s dog went up on land near the car park and she went over to see what he was looking at and she stood in it. “It was absolutely disgusting and it is the last straw for me. It is a definite health hazard and can attract rats and spread disease. Something needs to be done.” The beach’s parking lot has no restriction on parking, which means that RVs can stay there for as long as they want to. While the Scottish police are able to remove RVs and caravans, it’s believed they have been left there as they aren’t obstructing anything.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: STUDENT FEES WELL SPENT

The University of Wisconsin-La Crosse quietly paid a pornographic movie star to deliver a lecture to students. The La Crosse Tribune reports the university paid Nina Hartley $5,000 out of student fees to speak to students about adult entertainment and taking ownership of their sexuality on Nov. 1. About 70 students attended the 90-minute talk. She told students it’s acceptable to enjoy pornography, acceptable to not enjoy it and acceptable to be confused about it. Harley’s appearance was promoted only through signs on campus. Chancellor Joe Gow says university officials were concerned since Hartley was speaking about a contentious topic people wouldn’t come and the appearance would be sensationalized. Gow invited her to campus. He says the world would be a better place if people were more open about sex.

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ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1: I’M NOT TRYING TO SUPPRESS, EXACTLY.

For Blake Spalding, co-owner of the world famous farm-to-table restaurant Hell’s Backbone Grill in Boulder, Utah, the questions to her employees seemed “ridiculous.” She said one of her employees was asked if she was forced to register to vote as a term of her employment at the restaurant. Spalding, is politically active in Garfield County, and has pushed back hard on President Trump’s successful efforts to reduce the size of the Grand Staircase Escalante Monument in Kane and Garfield counties. Sheriff Danny Perkins said the number of voter registrations coming from one home in Boulder “raised red flags.” Perkins said between 12 and 20 people had put down the same home as their residence. That home is a nine bedroom house that Spalding owns, and allows her seasonal employees to live in during their employment. Perkins said his deputies looked up the home on Google Maps and it incorrectly showed only a shed in its place.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: GET READY FOR THE SLAUGHTER AND TRUMP’S HEAD ON A PIKE.

Christian broadcaster and conspiracy theorist Rick Wiles is back with even more rightwing lunacy. This time, he’s claiming MSNBC anchor Rachel Maddow, an out lesbian, will lead a coup against President Donald Trump. Even worse, it’s in a few hours and we’re gonna have to throw together an outfit at the last minute. What’s black and goes with decapitation? “America, you’ve been homosexualized. You’ve been Jewdy-ized. I’m just telling it how it is,” Wiles told viewers. “She was spewing out, last night, calls for revolution. She was telling the left, ‘Take a deep breath, we’re at the moment, it’s coming, we’re almost there, we’re going to remove him from the White House.’ We’re about 72 hours — possibly 72 hours — from a coup. “Be prepared that you’re going to turn on the television and see helicopters hovering over the roof of the White House with men clad in black rappelling down ropes, entering into the White House. Be prepared for a shoot out in the White House as Secret Service agents shoot commandos coming in to arrest President Trump.” But Wiles wasn’t finished with his hysterical anti-semitism and homophobia. “That is how close we are to a revolution. Be prepared for a mob — a leftist mob — to tear down the gates, the fence at the White House and to go into the White House and to drag him out with his family and decapitate them on the lawn of the White House,” he said.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: YOU WOMEN ARE TAKING ALL THE FUN OUT OF WORKING HERE

Women at Under Armour reportedly complained that frequent company-sponsored trips to strip clubs were “demeaning.” In an attempt to provide a “respectful and inclusive workplace,” Under Armour employees will no longer be allowed to pay for strip club visits on the company credit card. The trips, which were reportedly made with coworkers and athletes, were “symptomatic of practices women at Under Armour found demeaning,” according to the Wall Street Journal. “We have addressed these serious allegations of the past and will continue to address workplace behavior that violates our policies,” Under Armour said in a statement. “Inappropriate behavior that challenges our values or violates our policies is unacceptable – and will not be tolerated. We are committed to providing a respectful and inclusive workplace.”

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