Boners

Boner (Round One) for April 28th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: SHE STOLE MY HEROIN

An Ohio man was arrested after calling police for help getting back his stolen goods, which turned out to be heroin, authorities said. WEWS-TV obtained a recording of the 911 call, which Bath Township Police Chief Mike McNeely called “one of the most bizarre” he’s heard in 41 years on the job. Police say 20-year-old Joseph Murphy told the dispatcher his girlfriend stole his heroin, and that he needed a police dog.

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Boner Candidate #2: KILLER CLOWNS WILL NEVER GET YOU HONEY

Saulius Cerniauskas, 38, of Brothertoft Road, Boston, admitted two charges relating to an extendable baton, four cans of CS spray and two of pepper spray, when he appeared at the town’s magistrates court. Jim Clare, prosecuting, said the baton was in a parcel addressed to Cerniauskas and was seized by Royal Mail’s Logistics Centre on November 7 last year and the spray cans in similar parcels on January 10. Both parcels had been sent from the Netherlands, he said. Mr Clare said Cerniauskas was arrested on February 15 and his mobile phone was seized. When interviewed he said he had ordered all the items together via the internet on the same occasion and that he thought they were legal.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE RACK CAVES IN TO BIDDY NATION

Ana Davis never imagined breast-feeding her 1-month-old daughter, Mia, would end up offending someone. “She was crying. She was ready to have her meal,” Davis said of the incident earlier this month. She decided to step off the store floor at Nordstrom Rack and find some privacy. “So I went to the restroom and found an open chair,” Davis said. “Several people walked in and out of the restroom during that time, and within a few minutes, we were approached by a Nordstrom employee that said a complaint had been made, that someone was feeling uncomfortable to do their business while there was a nursing mother in the restroom.” Davis said the employee asked her to leave the bathroom and finish feeding her baby in a fitting room.

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