Round One
Boner Candidate #1: ALWAYS COVER UP YOUR MISTAKES WITH MISINFORMATION
Fox News apparently mistook singer Patti LaBelle for Aretha Franklin on Thursday, including a photo of LaBelle as part of the network’s obituary image for Franklin, who passed away earlier this morning after a battle with pancreatic cancer.At the end of an America’s Newsroom segment memorializing the late singer-songwriter, Fox News cut to a still image of Franklin, captioned “Aretha Franklin, Singer, 1942-2018,” inexplicably featuring a background photograph of LaBelle—who is not Franklin—singing for PBS in 2014. The flub was made all-the-more ironic by the fact that Franklin and LaBelle reportedly had a longstanding feud that only ended on Thursday morning when the 76-year-old legendary diva passed away. “We sincerely apologize to Aretha Franklin’s family and friends. Our intention was to honor the icon using a secondary image of her performing with Patti LaBelle in the full screen graphic, but the image of Ms. Franklin was obscured in that process, which we deeply regret,” said Jessica Santostefano, Fox News’s VP of media desk, in a statement.
Boner Candidate #2: I GOT SOME KOBE BEEF FOR YOU RIGHT HERE.
The Kobe Japanese Steakhouse in Clearwater, Fla., offers a variety of choice meats, sushi specialties and a pretty generous happy hour deal. The one thing they don’t offer, however, are live nude shows. Not always, anyway. James Dylan Jordan, a 24-year-old restaurant patron from nearby Dunedin, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after he drunkenly approached a couple of Kobe diners last Sunday night and offered them an impromptu striptease, The Tampa Bay Times reported. “While intoxicated inside the Kobe Japanese Steakhouse, James Jordan approached [a female diner] and her husband … [Jordan] began to undress and dance erotically in front of [her],” according to the official complaint. When the woman asked him to stop, Jordan became “belligerent” and called the woman fat, and then threatened to fight her husband, the complaint said.
Boner Candidate #3: I TOLD YOU I WAS FEELING CRAPPY; VERY CRAPPY.
This rampaging motorist didn’t give a crap — until he did. A Kentucky driver allegedly refused to follow orders and led officers on a police chase before defecating in the back of a cop cruiser after he was finally arrested, according to officials. Darren Gene Blankenship said he didn’t pull over Tuesday on US 23 in Paintsville because he had to go to the bathroom, news station WYMT reported. Officers pursuing his Dodge Challenger were responding to multiple 911 calls about a driver firing a gun into the air and at a pickup truck. When they tried to pull Blankenship over, he sped ahead, took a turn and then abruptly veered into a driveway, according to WKYT. Officers jumped out of their cruiser and ordered the driver to lay on the ground. Blankenship, however, reportedly wouldn’t get down on his stomach and officers called for backup. Another cop then forced him to the ground and handcuffed him, according to officials. While resisting arrest, Blankenship made threats and kicked an officer in the shin, the news station reported.
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Round Two:
Boner Candidate #1: HALLE BERRY! JENNIFER HUDSON! POP. POP. POP.
SUFFOLK, Va. – Police responded to a report of a gunshot victim Thursday morning around 10:45 a.m. Police said the shooting that happened in the 300 block of East Washington Street started with an argument. News 3’s Rachael Cardin spoke to a witness who said he heard the two people in a local barbershop arguing over whether or not Halle Berry played or would play Aretha Franklin in a movie. Police said the fight turned physical and then one of the subjects, identified as 44-year-old Michael Jermell Hatton, produced a firearm, shooting the other man at least once outside the shop. Both men got emergency medical assessment and treatment by Suffolk Fire & Rescue personnel before being transported to local hospitals for further treatment. Franklin had previously wanted Berry to play her in an upcoming biopic, but Berry claimed she couldn’t sing and wouldn’t do the role justice, according to E News. Instead, Jennifer Hudson was tapped to play the Queen of Soul in the film.
Boner Candidate #2: NO GHETTO NAMES.
A Missouri health clinic sent emails to multiple women applicants, denying them job offers because of their names. At least 20 women, including Hermeisha Robinson and Dorneshia Zachery, received rejection letters from St. Louis’ Mantality Health center earlier this week. In the email, the company said it did not hire candidates that have what it says are “ghetto names.” “Thank you for your interest in careers at Mantality Health. Unfortunately we do not consider candidates that have suggestive ‘ghetto’ names. We wish the best in your career search,” reads the rejection letter, which Robinson posted to Facebook on Monday. Robinson, who applied for a customer service position at the health center, wrote on Facebook that her “feelings are very hurt” and asked people to share the post because “discrimination has to stop.” Her post quickly went viral and received over 11,000 shares as of Thursday morning. “When I read the email I was just appalled,” Robinson told local St. Louis outlet KMOV.com. ”[My name] is just unique. It’s from my mom and my father.” Zachery added that she teared up when she first read the email.
Boner Candidate #3: IT SEEMS LIKE ANYTHING GOES, BUT NOT EVERYTHING GOES.
A Louisiana bartender has gone viral for attacking a woman who slapped her behind without consent while the bartender was pouring a shot of whiskey into a customer’s mouth. Spirits on Bourbon in New Orleans is known for its iconic red barber chair, where customers are allowed to sit and have a shot poured into their mouth. In the chair, built on a stage to honor Edward DeBoire, who originally owned the bar before meeting a “tragic death” at 33, was where the now viral incident happened. While the unnamed waitress was pouring the shot into the thirsty customer’s mouth, a female spectator walked up and slapped her on the butt. In the video, the waitress turns around and slaps the woman in the face over the unsolicited spank and then continues to attack her. After the bouncer kicks the stunned woman out, the waitress goes back and finishes her routine – which involves pouring the shot and then shoving the customer’s face in between her cleavage and shimmying.
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