Boners

Boner (Round One) for January 2nd, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: MAN, YOU COULD GET DRUNK JUST BREATHING THE AIR.

The phrase “drink in the atmosphere” just got a new meaning. Yes, there was so much alcohol flowing at a fraternity party in suburban Washington, D.C., that the air in the building tested positive on a Breathalyzer, according to court documents reported in local media. Police raided the November party at a house in Bethesda, Md., which had been advertised online as a “Tequila Tuesday,” after complaints from neighbors. According to court documents, officers found windows covered with insulation, trash bags, beer cans and liquor bottles everywhere and a floor sticky with spilled alcohol. When tested with a Breathalyzer, the air inside the home registered a .01. A score of .08 makes a person legally drunk in the state. Meanwhile, eight partygoers locked themselves in a bathroom, while another jumped out of a second-story window in an effort to avoid police, local TV station WJLA reported.

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Boner Candidate #2: IF YOU’RE GOING TO STEAL A FERRARI THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOU SHOULD DO.

A Florida police department took to Facebook with some advice for aspiring Ferrari thieves after a man who did a poor job of hiding his crime was arrested. The Gainesville Police Department posted photos to Facebook showing the $250,000 Ferrari California T that was spotted by an officer riding in a Gainesville/Alachua County Drug Task Force vehicle. The officer became suspicious because the Ferrari was traveling at a slow speed on the highway while the driver conversed with the driver of a red Corvette, police said. The officer’s suspicions were also piqued by the vehicle still having a window sticker from the dealership. The officer ran the Ferrari’s plates and discovered it was stolen.

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Boner Candidate #3: SHE KNEW WHAT THE MONEY WAS FOR.

A man and a woman are facing prostitution charges after they sought law enforcement’s assistance in settling a dispute over a $150 payment for a sexual encounter, according to South Carolina police. As detailed in an incident report, a state trooper was flagged down at 1 AM Thursday by Kimberly Moore, 30, and Robert Sartor Jr., 65. Moore, who was standing with Sartor outside a Marathon gas station, told the trooper that Sartor “owed her money for prostitution.” Moore later told Union County Sheriff’s Office deputies that she had earlier contacted Sartor and “asked him to come get her and get a hotel room.” Moore said that Sartor offered her $150, and that she “knew what the money was for.” Sartor told deputies that he picked up Moore “because she was messaging him on Facebook,” and acknowledged that he “offered her $150,” was going to get a hotel room, and “bought her some new clothes at the dollar store.”

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