Boners

Boner (Round One) for July 20th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: I THINK HIS RESPONSE WAS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE

A very ‘hangry’ man who erupted in abject outrage when he ‘received the wrong order’ at a Taco Bell, smashing a monitor and overturning a fish tank, is now being pursued by police. The apoplectic outburst was filmed at the Tex-Mex fast food restaurant in North Smithfield, Rhode Island. Surveillance video shows the man standing at the counter, complaining that his order is wrong. The unnamed man’s black t-shirt says ‘Be Free’ in bold white lettering. Patrick Wilson picked up on the logo and wrote on Youtube: ‘Your shirt says “BE FREE” because you want to hit that fishtank/and act like a a** You will NOT BE FREE… SOMEONE IS GOING TO IDENTIFY YOU….’

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M THE MILLION DOLLAR HO.

She’s probably not feeling like a million bucks now. Police said that a Florida woman who referred to herself as the “Million Dollar Ho” was arrested Tuesday after offering an undercover cop sex, according to the Smoking Gun. Debra Thomes, 49, approached the officer in a vehicle at a Fort Pierce parking lot and asked him if he was interested in a date. After climbing into the car, Thomes reportedly introduced herself as the “Million Dollar Ho” and offered sexual services for $40. “I’ll give you everything you want. You’re the first one today,” she allegedly said, according to the police report. The 49-year-old then lifted her dress and exposed herself to the cop. Authorities slapped Thomes with prostitution-related charges and booked her at St. Lucie County Jail. Thomes was also reportedly convicted last month on a felony prostitution charge on her already long rap sheet. In 2016, she was arrested for exposing herself to a cop yet again, saying, “Come on.”

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Boner Candidate #3: MR. LOCKHART’S KID IS DUMB

A Florida high school principal was demoted after he had his math teachers do his son’s middle school algebra assignments. The Palm Beach Post reports former Lake Worth High School principal George Lockhart asked three teachers to do his son’s online math assignments two years ago. He originally denied the allegation to district investigators, then said he requested help to better tutor his son. One teacher told investigators he did the homework out of respect for Lockhart. Lockhart also didn’t report some student suspensions to the district and violated other policies. He received a $21,000 pay cut and was reassigned. Palm Beach Superintendent Robert Avossa said he didn’t fire Lockhart because his “bad decisions” didn’t outweigh the good he’s done. Lockhart’s attorney, Fred Schwartz, said Avossa was “very fair.”

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