Boner Candidate #1: KILL ‘EM ALL
Louisiana Rep. Clay Higgins (R-3rd District), a former Sheriff’s captain often flatteringly referred to as the “Cajun John Wayne,” recently urged the United States to “identity” [sic] and extrajudicially murder every “radicalized Islamic suspect.” In other news, the Islamic State’s campaign for a global holy war seems to be coming along nicely. Here’s what Higgins wrote, in a Facebook post that he clearly would have vastly preferred be delivered orally 900 years ago to a group of bleeding knights in a ditch outside Jerusalem The free world… all of Christendom… is at war with Islamic horror. Not one penny of American treasure should be granted to any nation who harbors these heathen animals. Not a single radicalized Islamic suspect should be granted any measure of quarter. Their intended entry to the American homeland should be summarily denied. Every conceivable measure should be engaged to hunt them down. Hunt them, identity them, and kill them. Kill them all. For the sake of all that is good and righteous. Kill them all.
Boner Candidate #2: I TRADED MY METH FOR THIS SWEET RIDE
A man was arrested in St. Augustine while sitting in a stolen car that he obtained as payment for meth, a St. Augustine Beach police report said. Robert Hardister, 25, was arrested shortly after 8 p.m. Sunday on 10th Street near A1A. A police officer was patroling the area and ran the license plate of a 2007 Chrysler Sebring that was unoccupied. The officer learned the car was stolen and a short time later saw Hardister unlock the car.
Boner Candidate #3: WE CAN’T AFFORD A DENTIST
A 48-year-old woman was charged Monday in 4th District Court with second-degree felony child abuse for allegedly yanking out her 7-year-old son’s teeth with needle-nose pliers. Court documents state Jeannine Isom, of Salt Lake City, purchased hand sanitizer and pliers at Walmart in Cedar Hills with the victim and his older brother on April 2. After purchasing the items, Isom allegedly pulled out two of the victim’s teeth in the Walmart bathroom. A Walmart employee and the victim’s older brother heard him screaming, so the brother took him out of the bathroom and out of the store, the documents state.
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