Boners

Boner (Round One) for May 17th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: RACIST DRUNK AT THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

A father visiting Walt Disney World with his family is in jail, accused of child neglect, after what witnesses describe as a drunken tirade through one of the resorts. According to his arrest affidavit, Brian Keith Olmstead, 35, of Brunswick, Ohio, was using his child’s stroller to plow through crowds at Disney’s Art of Animation Resort on Sunday. They said he was using racial slurs as he pushed the stroller through. Disney resort managers said they received at least 11 complaints about Olmstead over the course of four hours. Olmstead’s wife told Orange County sheriff’s investigators they started the day at ESPN’s Wide World of Sports for a cheerleading competition.

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Boner Candidate #2: MAYBE YOU WON’T GO TO JAIL; I MEAN YOU ARE SO BRIGHT.

A top Oxford University student who stabbed her boyfriend could be spared jail — because she’s so clever and it would damage her career. Aspiring heart surgeon Lavinia Woodward, 24, met the man on Tinder but then punched and swiped at him with a bread knife during a drink-and-drug fueled row. She then stabbed the Cambridge-educated boyfriend in the leg before hurling a laptop, glass and a jam jar at him at leafy Christ Church college, Oxford in the United Kingdom. Woodward admitted a charge of unlawful wounding at Oxford Crown Court and Judge Ian Pringle said the offence would normally mean a jail sentence.

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Boner Candidate #3: LET THE KING HAVE HIS CROP TOPS

Thailand has threatened to sue Facebook – after a footage of its heavily-tattooed king strolling around in a crop top emerged. The bizarre clip of King Maha Vajiralongkorn waltzing around a shopping center alongside a woman has gone viral. And furious top brass in the South East Asian nation now wants the clip taken offline. Thai residents can be jailed for 15 years for insulting the country’s monarch. Takorn Tantasith, head of Thailand’s National Broadcasting and Telecommunications Commission, said: “If even a single illicit page remains, we will immediately discuss what legal steps to take against Facebook Thailand.”


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