Boners

Boner (Round Two) for May 17th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Police say a Pennsylvania man beat his 87-year-old mother and 64-year-old sister with a cane on Mother’s Day after they woke him up from a drunken slumber in his vehicle. Fifty-eight-year-old Richard Ward was arraigned Monday on charges including aggravated assault and public drunkenness. Murrysville police say he was parked outside his mother’s home when Linda Ward and her mother, Margaret, tried to wake him up around 9 p.m. Sunday. Police say he woke up angrily and took a cane from his sister before knocking her down and beating her and their mother with it.

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Boner Candidate #2: PERHAPS IT BROUGHT RELIEF TO A HELLISH COMMUTE

Last night, a display screen in Union Station—one of Washington DC’s main transit hubs—found itself moonlighting as a tiny pornographic theater. Now, Gizmodo can exclusively reveal footage of the incident, and I can assure you that, one, it’s definitely pornography, and two, I have never had a commute this stimulating. While not technically safe for work, this version has the most explicit moments censored: As The Washington Post reported earlier today, bystanders were left “speechless” after the graphic video began playing on a display screen inside the station. The footage appeared to come from PornHub, a popular porn website, and lasted for about three minutes, according to an anonymous bystander interviewed by the Post. It remains unclear what caused the explicit video to play in this public train station.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE THIEF PANTSED HIMSELF

He was caught with his pants down. Surveillance video from a Houston convenience store caught three thieves carrying out a robbery — as well as the moment where one of the crooks lost control of his pants, according to KPRC-TV. During the March robbery, one of the robbers’ trousers fell off as he bent over to pick up the cash his associate passed through the clerk window, revealing his bare behind to a security camera filming the entire incident. Video shows the clumsy robber spending nearly a minute collecting the loot with his pants around his knees as his friend roughs up the clerk behind the counter.

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